Phone Surveys

"Hello?"
"Yes, may I speak with _________?"
"This is she".
"Oh, yes ma'am, and how are you this wonderful morning?"  [Oh, gag me with a spoon!! Just get to the point!  I KNOW you did not call just to chat & could care less how I'm doing! I am pissed that YOU have a job and I don't....so just GET ON WITH IT!]
As an American citizen, we  value your opinion & would like to ask if you would participate in a VERY BRIEF survey? This will only take 1 to 2 minutes, as we know your time is valuable!  Would you do that for us??  Is now a good time??" [Stop being so damned sickeningly sweet!! I'm an adult!! You can talk to me as if I am!]
"What is this survey regarding?"
"Well, I'm sure you've probably heard of the new healthcare plan just voted in by our Congress?"
[YOUR Congress, lady, NOT MINE!!  They haven't done ANYTHING for me!!]
"Of course!"  [I don't live in a bubble!!  Who HASN'T heard of it??]
 "What is it you want to know?"
"I work for 'XYZ Organization', and we strive to make sure the people's voices are heard in Washington."  [Oh REALLY?? THEN WHY THE HELL WEREN'T YOU LISTENING WHEN WE SAID WE DID NOT WANT SOCIALIZED HEALTHCARE IN AMERICA???]
First off, we'd like a brief statement, in your own words,  as to how you think this landmark event will directly affect you?"  [You're shittin' me, right?? Boy, did YOU just open a can of worms!!]
Thank God for Call Waiting!!
"Oops!  So sorry!!Gotta Go!  That's my DOCTOR on the other line.  I'd better take that call while he's still IN THE COUNTRY!!  All the good doctors will be abandoning this sinking ship while they still can!"

PUT THAT IN YOUR DAMN SURVEY!!