I had some errands in town today, so got all my rat-killin' done and thought I'd gas up my vehicle before heading home. I pull into the station and all the pumps are busy. I see a small silver, Mazda sports car at pump 6. There is no fuel nozzle in the vehicle's fill spout, so I'm thinking this driver must be just finishing up, so I pull up behind the cutesy little car awaiting my turn. A Dodge dually pulls in behind me, so there's no changing pumps now! I am essentially blocked in, until the car in front of me pulls away from the pump.
The driver, who looks to be the sister of 'Miss Thang' (whom you know if you read my earlier post regarding inCONVENIENCE stores), is washing her windshield with the station-provided, wooden handled, squeegie-sponge thing-a-ma-jig. Ok, I think....it won't be long now. Looks like she's just about finished with that windshield. Yep, she's walking back to replace it in it's water bucket receptacle. Good. Any minute now, she'll be leaving and it will be MY turn. WHAT THE HECK IS SHE DOING!?? She's just dipped the squeegie-sponge to re-wet it, and is walking back to her car.....completely oblivious to the TWO VEHICLES WAITING BEHIND HER!!
To my utter and COMPLETE amazement.....the woman proceeds to WASH her entire vehicle with the squeegie-sponge!! I am in total disbelief as to what I am witnessing. My mouth has fallen open and will not close! Apparently, the guy behind me, in the big ole Dodge dually, is equally dumbfounded, since neither of us seem to be able to regain our composure, enough to even blow our horns, announcing our displeasure, at her audacity to keep us waiting for our turn at the pump while she gives her car a SPIT BATH!!
The longer I sat and watched, the madder I got....and not just mad..... I was LIVID!! I didn't trust myself to even get out of my vehicle to approach her, for fear I would go completely ballistic and perhaps attempt to do her some grave, bodily harm.
HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO, COMPLETELY AND ABSOLUTELY, INCONSIDERATE OF OTHERS?? DO THEY REALLY THINK THEY ARE THAT SPECIAL???
I knew I had to get a grip on my emotions. This sort of thing can really drive my blood pressure up! The best way to "de-fuse" myself, is to try and find some sort of humor in the situation. (This can be quite challenging at times!) I told myself that I had probably saved my own life by NOT getting out of my vehicle. (She could've had a gun on her! I could've been shot!!)
Still seeing no humor in the event, I did get a mild sort of satisfaction in the justice of it all....when she reached for the station provided paper towels...TO DRY HER CAR!!!...and found she had pulled the last two out of the dispenser!
As she finally moved away from the pump and I moved my car into position, I could only thank God that it was a small, tiny sports car and not a Cadillac Escalade, otherwise, I'd probably still be waiting at the pump!!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
HOW do they get IN ??!!
Ever wonder how mosquitos get into your house, when you haven't had the doors opened?? I finally know! Caught 'em in the act!! The bigger ones push the smaller ones through the holes in the screens!! I gotta tell ya, THAT was quite a revelation! I mean, WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT!?
What I can NOT understand, is how wasps are finding their way into my sunroom!?? The mean, ugly, RED wasps.....who won't hesitate to sting you just out of spite. They only need the slightest provocation! There are no holes in the window screens, and all the screens are tight-fitting, so I know they're not squeezing in around the edges somehow. But the wasps are undeniably THERE. Flying around my sunroom, looking for a way OUT. Why the heck is it that they can find their way IN, but not out?? Yesterday, I killed two. The room was 'wasp-free' when I went to bed. Today, I count three wasps, flying around in there! WHY??? What do they want??
They're difficult to kill with a flyswatter. Guess they're wearing some sort of bug 'body armor'. I have to hit them several times. The first strike only serves to piss them off! It takes the second or third strike to finally get 'em on the floor, then I stomp them a few times, just for good measure. I leave their dead carcasses in the floor till the following day, as a deterrent to other intruding wasps. That doesn't seem to be working, though. The next day, I'm dodging flying wasps while scooping up dead ones from the floor.
And spiders...... I left them alone, thinking they could be of some help in controlling the wasps, but none of them seems able to build a web strong enough to snare one! The spiders don't know it yet, but their days are numbered! I HATE SPIDERS!! I have a mild to moderate case of Arachnophobia. I can't even swat or stomp them!! I have to rely on anti-spider bug sprays to take them out! The last time I had to actually squash one with a shoe, I nearly turned wrong-side-out! Took me a half hour just to get my blood pressure down & my breathing to return to normal. The accompanying adrenaline surge was NOT pleasant, and I can promise you, I will never be one of those 'adrenaline junkies'!
And we won't even talk about cockroaches! Just the thought makes me shudder!!!!
Bad as I need a job....I could never work for Terminix!!
What I can NOT understand, is how wasps are finding their way into my sunroom!?? The mean, ugly, RED wasps.....who won't hesitate to sting you just out of spite. They only need the slightest provocation! There are no holes in the window screens, and all the screens are tight-fitting, so I know they're not squeezing in around the edges somehow. But the wasps are undeniably THERE. Flying around my sunroom, looking for a way OUT. Why the heck is it that they can find their way IN, but not out?? Yesterday, I killed two. The room was 'wasp-free' when I went to bed. Today, I count three wasps, flying around in there! WHY??? What do they want??
They're difficult to kill with a flyswatter. Guess they're wearing some sort of bug 'body armor'. I have to hit them several times. The first strike only serves to piss them off! It takes the second or third strike to finally get 'em on the floor, then I stomp them a few times, just for good measure. I leave their dead carcasses in the floor till the following day, as a deterrent to other intruding wasps. That doesn't seem to be working, though. The next day, I'm dodging flying wasps while scooping up dead ones from the floor.
And spiders...... I left them alone, thinking they could be of some help in controlling the wasps, but none of them seems able to build a web strong enough to snare one! The spiders don't know it yet, but their days are numbered! I HATE SPIDERS!! I have a mild to moderate case of Arachnophobia. I can't even swat or stomp them!! I have to rely on anti-spider bug sprays to take them out! The last time I had to actually squash one with a shoe, I nearly turned wrong-side-out! Took me a half hour just to get my blood pressure down & my breathing to return to normal. The accompanying adrenaline surge was NOT pleasant, and I can promise you, I will never be one of those 'adrenaline junkies'!
And we won't even talk about cockroaches! Just the thought makes me shudder!!!!
Bad as I need a job....I could never work for Terminix!!
Sissy's Escapades
Of the eight horses in residence, Sissy is the youngest, and the smallest. I think she's going through the equivalent of the human teenage, rebellious years. Not content with the many, many acres of pastureland she has access to, Sissy is escaping the confines of the fence & helping herself to greens & such, up near the house. This is her 4th escape....THIS year. We haven't yet figured out HOW she's getting out.
This last escape, Honey worked for nearly 20 mins. trying to coax her back through the gate & into the pasture. She wasn't cooperating. In fact, I think she thought it was a great game! I finally went outside to try & help. Wanted to get her headed back in the direction of the barn, but she had plans of her own. She veered right & zipped through the gate into the front pasture. Wasn't where we wanted her, but there she was! Honey, frustrated by now, shouted at me to close the gate! He said she could just 'stay there awhile till she learns to behave'.
It's been 3 days now. Sissy is so pitiful! She can see the other horses in the far pasture and continually whinny's and nickers, calling to them. They don't seem to hear, or else they're ignoring her. Some of them probably think she got what she deserved & needs to be taught a lesson. When her cries go unanswered, Sissy gallops around the pasture, kicking & snorting her displeasure. She has checked the entire perimeter of the pasture & cannot find a way out. Sometimes, I think she's considering jumping the fence! She slowly backs away from it, as if counting paces, or measuring distance, then runs full tilt toward the fence....screeching to a halt, just before she hits it. (She KNOWS it's an electric fence) I can't stand the look in her eyes. I take her apple treats & pet her, trying to soothe & comfort her. She is not to be consoled.....but she doesn't turn down the treats.
As Honey was walking to the shop this morning, he saw what he thought were fresh horse tracks outside the pasture & up the drive between the house & the shop. Once he determined that the other seven horses were accounted for, he dismissed it. Said, 'well, maybe they just look like fresh tracks in the gravel'. I, too, put the matter out of my mind.
Later, I just happened to look toward the road, and there, in the front drive, was a fresh pile of horse dung! I know it was NOT there when I drove up that drive at 5pm yesterday on my way back from town.
So....if Sissy is still contained in the front pasture where we left her....and the other seven are accounted for in the far back pasture....WHAT HORSE CAME CALLING LAST NIGHT??
Perhaps Sissy has a 'boyfriend'?? Is THAT why she kept escaping the pasture?? Has she been sneaking out at night to meet him?? Is that what the dogs were raising hell about last night??
So many unanswered questions! Where is a 'horse-whisperer' when you need one??
This last escape, Honey worked for nearly 20 mins. trying to coax her back through the gate & into the pasture. She wasn't cooperating. In fact, I think she thought it was a great game! I finally went outside to try & help. Wanted to get her headed back in the direction of the barn, but she had plans of her own. She veered right & zipped through the gate into the front pasture. Wasn't where we wanted her, but there she was! Honey, frustrated by now, shouted at me to close the gate! He said she could just 'stay there awhile till she learns to behave'.
It's been 3 days now. Sissy is so pitiful! She can see the other horses in the far pasture and continually whinny's and nickers, calling to them. They don't seem to hear, or else they're ignoring her. Some of them probably think she got what she deserved & needs to be taught a lesson. When her cries go unanswered, Sissy gallops around the pasture, kicking & snorting her displeasure. She has checked the entire perimeter of the pasture & cannot find a way out. Sometimes, I think she's considering jumping the fence! She slowly backs away from it, as if counting paces, or measuring distance, then runs full tilt toward the fence....screeching to a halt, just before she hits it. (She KNOWS it's an electric fence) I can't stand the look in her eyes. I take her apple treats & pet her, trying to soothe & comfort her. She is not to be consoled.....but she doesn't turn down the treats.
As Honey was walking to the shop this morning, he saw what he thought were fresh horse tracks outside the pasture & up the drive between the house & the shop. Once he determined that the other seven horses were accounted for, he dismissed it. Said, 'well, maybe they just look like fresh tracks in the gravel'. I, too, put the matter out of my mind.
Later, I just happened to look toward the road, and there, in the front drive, was a fresh pile of horse dung! I know it was NOT there when I drove up that drive at 5pm yesterday on my way back from town.
So....if Sissy is still contained in the front pasture where we left her....and the other seven are accounted for in the far back pasture....WHAT HORSE CAME CALLING LAST NIGHT??
Perhaps Sissy has a 'boyfriend'?? Is THAT why she kept escaping the pasture?? Has she been sneaking out at night to meet him?? Is that what the dogs were raising hell about last night??
So many unanswered questions! Where is a 'horse-whisperer' when you need one??
Monday, March 29, 2010
inCONVENIENT Stores
Why are they called Convenience Stores?? I don't think I was even BORN yet, when...or IF... these places were ever "convenient"!
I normally purchase gasoline only at 'PayAtThePump' locations, simply to AVOID having to go inside....stand in line...etc. Recently, I purchased my fuel, and when it asked if I wanted a receipt, I punched the YES key....the message read: SEE ATTENDANT. (Well that's just GREAT!)
Most people, I guess, would simply have said 'screw it', and gone on their merry way. ME...I'm a stickler for receipts! PLUS, much as I hated going IN for my receipt, I wanted an opportunity to advise them that their pump was out of receipt paper! Perhaps they were unaware. (I guess I thought maybe they'd send someone out with a new roll of paper and take care of the problem, so the next customer could get their receipt at the pump. Stupid ME!) All she said was, "yeah, we know". THEN WHY HAVEN'T YOU CORRECTED THE PROBLEM???? (This puts me in mind of when I absolutely have no choice but to use their restrooms and they're still OUT OF PAPER!...but that's a whole other story!)
Knowing this was not going to be a quick 'in & out' situation, I moved my car away from the pump & parked next to the building. (I try to be considerate that way, so the guy behind me can get to the pump for HIS gas and be on his way. I know, weird, huh? I wish OTHER people would be as weird!) I stoically enter the store & take my place in line. Oh, good! Only three people ahead of me!
I'm usually a quiet person, suffering in silence when I would rather scream...LOUDLY...."ARE YOU A COMPLETE IDIOT??" I see two cashiers behind the counter. I do NOT see a 'Please Use Other Register' sign, so with just three people ahead of me...and two cashiers....this should go fairly quickly. I only need a gas receipt! How long can it take, right??
As I patiently wait my turn in line, I notice that Cashier # 2 (her name tag reads 'Brittney') is too busy restocking the overhead cigarette rack, to assist in checking the customers in line. (Maybe they have some sort of 'minimum-number-of-customers-standing-in-line' before they BOTH get in on the action?) Cashier # 1 (her name tag says, 'Tanniesha', but in my mind, I call her 'Miss Thang') You know the type...lots of cleavage, peeping midriff with shiny belly button ring, 3 inch nails in tri-color, hair piled up six inches high, in a 'do' that probably took hours to constuct, (HOW does she sleep??) one gold tooth, a tattoo of a rat or something on her neck, and a pierced eyebrow.
Miss Thang is apparently intellectually challenged in some way. 'Bubba' is at the counter wanting a pack of Marlboro Reds, and a lottery ticket. In his hand, he has 2 Dr. Pepper's and a candy bar to purchase. Miss Thang is having a hellava time trying to sort it all out. Lottery tickets must be rung seperately, and can only be purchased with cash. (but that looks like a credit card in his hand, oh my!) Well, Miss Thang had already rung up the total for the cig's, drinks, and candy bar, before Bubba remembered he still owed for his gas, and informs Miss Thang about his "$10 in gas on pump 4".
Rather than simply ring the gas as a separate purchase, Miss Thang is trying to void the entire transaction & start over. Bubba is 'jones'n' for a cigarette, and knowing he's forbidden by LAW to light up inside, he begins to tap his foot impatiently. Miss Thang, now beginning to get agitated herself, is punching every key on the register (which, by the way, is not easy with those 3" nails!) trying to void the transaction, but only succeeds in locking the register....which will now require a manager with a key, to unlock! AND, OF COURSE, THERE'S NO MANAGER ON SITE!! Bubba is NOT happy! OK, here we go!! Register 1 is now hosed up & SHUT DOWN!
In a huff, now, Brittney (her name tag should actually read: 'Bitch-ney') is trying to pick up the slack. Each of us in line can see that she is NOT happy about having to actually DO her job, and she proves it to us with a hateful-sounding, "Kin I hep someone?!"....not to be deterred, Bubba slides on over to register two and starts all over. By now, the candy bar has been consumed, but far be it from ME to rat him out! I really hate that little Brittney feels so PUT OUT because we expect her to do her job, but she just needs to GET OVER IT!! I'm asking myself & the 'powers that be', "How can THIS person have a job and I don't??!"
FINALLY, it's my turn!!!! Yeah, yee-haw, yippee, and all those other 'Y' words!! I calmly step up to the counter & ask if I can "please have a receipt for $31.75 in gas on pump six?" Brittney asks "Are you the green Ford Escort?" Not able to resist an opening like that, I reply "Do I LOOK like a green Ford Escort?" Not at all amused, Brittney continues to tell me that "pump six is only showing $8.50 in gas." Seeing as how poor Brittney has no sense of humor, (or sense of any kind I'm guessing) I kindly advise her that "I'm driving the blue Trailblazer parked to the right of the door! You'll need to back up about three customers to find my purchase." I'm almost able to see my imminent exit from this revolting place!
Just about that time, Brittney's cell phone rings. Completely ignoring me at the counter, she proceeds to get into a long-winded conversation with someone on the other end of the call who must be the babysitter. Brittney says to 'put him on the phone!'.....and using her 'Mommy voice', begins to give some poor kid holy hell, with threats of what she's gonna do to him when she gets home. As her eyes begin to glaze over, I can tell she is now completely "in the zone". I no longer exist in her world. She's literally forgotten I'm standing there, waiting on a receipt. I have become invisible! Gr-r-r-r-r!!!!
With hope in my heart, and a smile on my face, I turn to Miss Thang. Before I can even open my mouth, she throws both lavishly adorned hands up in the air, as if to ward me off, commenting that she "don't know nuthin' 'bout how'da get no re-seet!" (I'm having flashbacks to 'Gone With The Wind'...I don't know nuthin' bout birthin' no babies Miz Scarlett!!)
Pissed off beyond belief, I leave the store with NO receipt. I've just traded 15 mins. of my life for this crap! It was NOT a good exchange. As I'm leaving, I see a sign with a toll free number I can call to 'Tell Us How We're Doing'. I angrily punch the ten digit number into my phone. After a couple of rings....someone in Pakistan or India or B.F.E. answers, "Tink you for calling, and ow may vee elp yoo? Vaat is yor neem, pleece?"
Defeated, deflated, and disgusted, I simply hang up and drive myself home. This sort of convenience is physically and emotionally exhausting!
Oh, if only I still drank beer!! A couple of cold ones would sure help take the edge off!
I normally purchase gasoline only at 'PayAtThePump' locations, simply to AVOID having to go inside....stand in line...etc. Recently, I purchased my fuel, and when it asked if I wanted a receipt, I punched the YES key....the message read: SEE ATTENDANT. (Well that's just GREAT!)
Most people, I guess, would simply have said 'screw it', and gone on their merry way. ME...I'm a stickler for receipts! PLUS, much as I hated going IN for my receipt, I wanted an opportunity to advise them that their pump was out of receipt paper! Perhaps they were unaware. (I guess I thought maybe they'd send someone out with a new roll of paper and take care of the problem, so the next customer could get their receipt at the pump. Stupid ME!) All she said was, "yeah, we know". THEN WHY HAVEN'T YOU CORRECTED THE PROBLEM???? (This puts me in mind of when I absolutely have no choice but to use their restrooms and they're still OUT OF PAPER!...but that's a whole other story!)
Knowing this was not going to be a quick 'in & out' situation, I moved my car away from the pump & parked next to the building. (I try to be considerate that way, so the guy behind me can get to the pump for HIS gas and be on his way. I know, weird, huh? I wish OTHER people would be as weird!) I stoically enter the store & take my place in line. Oh, good! Only three people ahead of me!
I'm usually a quiet person, suffering in silence when I would rather scream...LOUDLY...."ARE YOU A COMPLETE IDIOT??" I see two cashiers behind the counter. I do NOT see a 'Please Use Other Register' sign, so with just three people ahead of me...and two cashiers....this should go fairly quickly. I only need a gas receipt! How long can it take, right??
As I patiently wait my turn in line, I notice that Cashier # 2 (her name tag reads 'Brittney') is too busy restocking the overhead cigarette rack, to assist in checking the customers in line. (Maybe they have some sort of 'minimum-number-of-customers-standing-in-line' before they BOTH get in on the action?) Cashier # 1 (her name tag says, 'Tanniesha', but in my mind, I call her 'Miss Thang') You know the type...lots of cleavage, peeping midriff with shiny belly button ring, 3 inch nails in tri-color, hair piled up six inches high, in a 'do' that probably took hours to constuct, (HOW does she sleep??) one gold tooth, a tattoo of a rat or something on her neck, and a pierced eyebrow.
Miss Thang is apparently intellectually challenged in some way. 'Bubba' is at the counter wanting a pack of Marlboro Reds, and a lottery ticket. In his hand, he has 2 Dr. Pepper's and a candy bar to purchase. Miss Thang is having a hellava time trying to sort it all out. Lottery tickets must be rung seperately, and can only be purchased with cash. (but that looks like a credit card in his hand, oh my!) Well, Miss Thang had already rung up the total for the cig's, drinks, and candy bar, before Bubba remembered he still owed for his gas, and informs Miss Thang about his "$10 in gas on pump 4".
Rather than simply ring the gas as a separate purchase, Miss Thang is trying to void the entire transaction & start over. Bubba is 'jones'n' for a cigarette, and knowing he's forbidden by LAW to light up inside, he begins to tap his foot impatiently. Miss Thang, now beginning to get agitated herself, is punching every key on the register (which, by the way, is not easy with those 3" nails!) trying to void the transaction, but only succeeds in locking the register....which will now require a manager with a key, to unlock! AND, OF COURSE, THERE'S NO MANAGER ON SITE!! Bubba is NOT happy! OK, here we go!! Register 1 is now hosed up & SHUT DOWN!
In a huff, now, Brittney (her name tag should actually read: 'Bitch-ney') is trying to pick up the slack. Each of us in line can see that she is NOT happy about having to actually DO her job, and she proves it to us with a hateful-sounding, "Kin I hep someone?!"....not to be deterred, Bubba slides on over to register two and starts all over. By now, the candy bar has been consumed, but far be it from ME to rat him out! I really hate that little Brittney feels so PUT OUT because we expect her to do her job, but she just needs to GET OVER IT!! I'm asking myself & the 'powers that be', "How can THIS person have a job and I don't??!"
FINALLY, it's my turn!!!! Yeah, yee-haw, yippee, and all those other 'Y' words!! I calmly step up to the counter & ask if I can "please have a receipt for $31.75 in gas on pump six?" Brittney asks "Are you the green Ford Escort?" Not able to resist an opening like that, I reply "Do I LOOK like a green Ford Escort?" Not at all amused, Brittney continues to tell me that "pump six is only showing $8.50 in gas." Seeing as how poor Brittney has no sense of humor, (or sense of any kind I'm guessing) I kindly advise her that "I'm driving the blue Trailblazer parked to the right of the door! You'll need to back up about three customers to find my purchase." I'm almost able to see my imminent exit from this revolting place!
Just about that time, Brittney's cell phone rings. Completely ignoring me at the counter, she proceeds to get into a long-winded conversation with someone on the other end of the call who must be the babysitter. Brittney says to 'put him on the phone!'.....and using her 'Mommy voice', begins to give some poor kid holy hell, with threats of what she's gonna do to him when she gets home. As her eyes begin to glaze over, I can tell she is now completely "in the zone". I no longer exist in her world. She's literally forgotten I'm standing there, waiting on a receipt. I have become invisible! Gr-r-r-r-r!!!!
With hope in my heart, and a smile on my face, I turn to Miss Thang. Before I can even open my mouth, she throws both lavishly adorned hands up in the air, as if to ward me off, commenting that she "don't know nuthin' 'bout how'da get no re-seet!" (I'm having flashbacks to 'Gone With The Wind'...I don't know nuthin' bout birthin' no babies Miz Scarlett!!)
Pissed off beyond belief, I leave the store with NO receipt. I've just traded 15 mins. of my life for this crap! It was NOT a good exchange. As I'm leaving, I see a sign with a toll free number I can call to 'Tell Us How We're Doing'. I angrily punch the ten digit number into my phone. After a couple of rings....someone in Pakistan or India or B.F.E. answers, "Tink you for calling, and ow may vee elp yoo? Vaat is yor neem, pleece?"
Defeated, deflated, and disgusted, I simply hang up and drive myself home. This sort of convenience is physically and emotionally exhausting!
Oh, if only I still drank beer!! A couple of cold ones would sure help take the edge off!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Now It All Makes Cents!
Those thin little wallets! So popular with women these days. I received one as a gift from my sister, several months ago. It's really quite pretty! I was excited to get it & couldn't wait to use it. My wallet, at the time, was quite fat....perhaps 2 inches thick, and contained my checkbook, drivers license, numerous credit/debit cards, and cash...as well as store coupons, notes to self, an assortment of recently acquired business cards, etc. Well, I'm sure you know....yours probably looks about the same. It's a sort of 'catch-all'.
I got home with my new wallet and began 'condensing' things, in an attempt to use my pretty new THIN wallet. My first configuration simply didn't work. The little wallet wouldn't close. I removed some of my 'lesser used' credit cards, and the business cards of my peers. Although it was an improvement, it was still a strain to get it to snap closed. I was afraid of springing the latch & ruining the wallet. Sadly, I put the cutesy little wallet away in my closet.
Recently, I was searching my closet for a particular item, and ran across the little thin wallet again. Eagerly, I took it out of it's protective wrappings and admired it. I decided to give it another try. To my utter delight, I find that the wallet is now the perfect size, and is closeable with little or no effort! EVERYTHING now fits inside just perfectly!! But I have to admit....I no longer have credit cards; checkbook; cash; or business cards of peers. Long-term unemployment will do that to a person!! All I have NOW, to keep in the little wallet is my driver's license...and I can put THAT in my hip pocket.
I'm still somewhat amazed that the creators of this little THIN wallet could have KNOWN, in advance, that we would all be reduced to nearly NOTHING to carry around in our wallets. They really are 'visionary' people!
The cutesy little thin wallet is now in my box of "re-giftable" items.
Perhaps someone else can get some use out of it!
I got home with my new wallet and began 'condensing' things, in an attempt to use my pretty new THIN wallet. My first configuration simply didn't work. The little wallet wouldn't close. I removed some of my 'lesser used' credit cards, and the business cards of my peers. Although it was an improvement, it was still a strain to get it to snap closed. I was afraid of springing the latch & ruining the wallet. Sadly, I put the cutesy little wallet away in my closet.
Recently, I was searching my closet for a particular item, and ran across the little thin wallet again. Eagerly, I took it out of it's protective wrappings and admired it. I decided to give it another try. To my utter delight, I find that the wallet is now the perfect size, and is closeable with little or no effort! EVERYTHING now fits inside just perfectly!! But I have to admit....I no longer have credit cards; checkbook; cash; or business cards of peers. Long-term unemployment will do that to a person!! All I have NOW, to keep in the little wallet is my driver's license...and I can put THAT in my hip pocket.
I'm still somewhat amazed that the creators of this little THIN wallet could have KNOWN, in advance, that we would all be reduced to nearly NOTHING to carry around in our wallets. They really are 'visionary' people!
The cutesy little thin wallet is now in my box of "re-giftable" items.
Perhaps someone else can get some use out of it!
Late Night Snacks
Us kids never went hungry growing up. Mom always had a home-cooked meal on the table every night & we ate as a family....all sitting around the same table....AT THE SAME TIME. The meal may not always have been what we WANTED, but we had the option of 'doing without' until breakfast. Seemed fair....but we'd usually end up eating whatever was in front of us....even while complaining. Still....
In spite of being well-fed, my older sister & I just couldn't seem to resist the urge to sneak food out of the kitchen, and into our bedroom to enjoy later. This wasn't too difficult to accomplish, seeing as how my sister & I always had kitchen duty after a meal. She washed; I dried. (Mom never would let us switch off. Something about my sister needing to keep washing 'till she learns how to do it right!' ) My sister was GREAT at creating a diversion while I carted our snack off to hide in the bedroom for later. Some nights, SHE would smuggle in the goods, claiming she 'had to go to the bathroom'. ( Mom started to worry that perhaps she had a bladder disorder.) Regardless of who did the 'deed', we'd meet back up at the kitchen sink to compare notes, then eagerly looked forward to bedtime.
Since there were three of us girls in the family, we all shared a room. My "sister in crime" and I shared the same bed. We spent many happy nights, snacking under the covers, with little sister (in the bed across the room) whining & threatening to call Mom if we didn't tell her what we were doing. (We've often questioned why we didn't just smother her in her bed when she was little!) Some nights, she'd raise such a ruckus that Mom had to come in to see what all the commotion was about, and threaten us with bodily harm if we didn't "settle down & go to sleep!!"
I'll never forget one night in particular. My crime partner had smuggled an entire box of Cheerios into the bed. She & I were happily munching away when we heard Mom coming!!! "Quick!! Hide the Cheerios!! Mom's coming!!!!!!!!" Well, as fate would have it.....my sister couldn't get the box closed up fast enough, so had to shove it under the covers in it's wide open condition! Mom burst into the room with an angry "What's going on in here??!" Of course, little sister tried to bust us out, but couldn't really, since even SHE didn't know what was going on. By now, both my sister & I were having a difficult time breathing! We nearly DIED when Mom said "What have you got under the covers??" In unison, we both proclaimed "Nothing!!!"
Mom must've been in a good mood that night, or just wanted to hurry up & get back to whatever movie she & Dad were watching, cause for once.....Mom didn't come over and yank the covers off the bed to see for herself what we had under there! Fortunately for us, Mom didn't see us profusely sweating bullets!! It's a wonder she couldn't hear our hearts, palpitating, from across the room. Through the sheer grace of God, neither my sister nor I died of stroke or heart attack that night.
Mom finally left the room & closed the door. Little sister was still grumbling in the corner about "next time!" In panicked anticipation of Mom throwing back our bedcovers, my sister had deftly used her foot to shove the box of cereal to the foot of the bed. In doing so, the entire contents of the box emptied itself onto the sheets! Our bed was full of them!! We spent nearly an hour trying to get them all back into the box...then another hour or so wondering HOW to get the box back into the kitchen UNDETECTED. Dad always liked cereal for breakfast and he and Mom were usually up before us kids were!
Somewhere in the wee hours, we both finally fell into a fitful sleep of exhaustion and nerves. I really don't remember how we finally solved our dilemma. I DO remember, a couple of days later, Mom asking the two of us HOW she found Cheerios in our bed when she changed the sheets?? I guess we learned to lie, at an early age, as a survival skill!!
Later on, we had to come up with a creative explanation for yet another phenomenon Mom found when she changed our sheets. We never took chocolate covered donuts to bed again.
In spite of being well-fed, my older sister & I just couldn't seem to resist the urge to sneak food out of the kitchen, and into our bedroom to enjoy later. This wasn't too difficult to accomplish, seeing as how my sister & I always had kitchen duty after a meal. She washed; I dried. (Mom never would let us switch off. Something about my sister needing to keep washing 'till she learns how to do it right!' ) My sister was GREAT at creating a diversion while I carted our snack off to hide in the bedroom for later. Some nights, SHE would smuggle in the goods, claiming she 'had to go to the bathroom'. ( Mom started to worry that perhaps she had a bladder disorder.) Regardless of who did the 'deed', we'd meet back up at the kitchen sink to compare notes, then eagerly looked forward to bedtime.
Since there were three of us girls in the family, we all shared a room. My "sister in crime" and I shared the same bed. We spent many happy nights, snacking under the covers, with little sister (in the bed across the room) whining & threatening to call Mom if we didn't tell her what we were doing. (We've often questioned why we didn't just smother her in her bed when she was little!) Some nights, she'd raise such a ruckus that Mom had to come in to see what all the commotion was about, and threaten us with bodily harm if we didn't "settle down & go to sleep!!"
I'll never forget one night in particular. My crime partner had smuggled an entire box of Cheerios into the bed. She & I were happily munching away when we heard Mom coming!!! "Quick!! Hide the Cheerios!! Mom's coming!!!!!!!!" Well, as fate would have it.....my sister couldn't get the box closed up fast enough, so had to shove it under the covers in it's wide open condition! Mom burst into the room with an angry "What's going on in here??!" Of course, little sister tried to bust us out, but couldn't really, since even SHE didn't know what was going on. By now, both my sister & I were having a difficult time breathing! We nearly DIED when Mom said "What have you got under the covers??" In unison, we both proclaimed "Nothing!!!"
Mom must've been in a good mood that night, or just wanted to hurry up & get back to whatever movie she & Dad were watching, cause for once.....Mom didn't come over and yank the covers off the bed to see for herself what we had under there! Fortunately for us, Mom didn't see us profusely sweating bullets!! It's a wonder she couldn't hear our hearts, palpitating, from across the room. Through the sheer grace of God, neither my sister nor I died of stroke or heart attack that night.
Mom finally left the room & closed the door. Little sister was still grumbling in the corner about "next time!" In panicked anticipation of Mom throwing back our bedcovers, my sister had deftly used her foot to shove the box of cereal to the foot of the bed. In doing so, the entire contents of the box emptied itself onto the sheets! Our bed was full of them!! We spent nearly an hour trying to get them all back into the box...then another hour or so wondering HOW to get the box back into the kitchen UNDETECTED. Dad always liked cereal for breakfast and he and Mom were usually up before us kids were!
Somewhere in the wee hours, we both finally fell into a fitful sleep of exhaustion and nerves. I really don't remember how we finally solved our dilemma. I DO remember, a couple of days later, Mom asking the two of us HOW she found Cheerios in our bed when she changed the sheets?? I guess we learned to lie, at an early age, as a survival skill!!
Later on, we had to come up with a creative explanation for yet another phenomenon Mom found when she changed our sheets. We never took chocolate covered donuts to bed again.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
My 2004 Chevy Trailblazer
Being unemployed, I go for days now, without driving my car. She sits quietly in the carport....staring at me with those two big, silvery headlights.....wondering if she's being punished for some unknown infraction. We seldom go out anymore, just for pleasure. Country dirt is accummulating, at an alarming rate, on her once shiny paint, and her tires look a little more scuffed & worn. She looks really sad! I'm not sure if those are tear tracks, there by her left blinker, or slug trails.
Today, as I was passing by her, my discerning eye noticed some unusual (and quite unnatural) disturbances in her cloak of dust. Upon closer inspection, I could see that the neighborhood cats have apparently declared my vehicle to be their own private amusement park!!
She has cat-butt skid marks down both sides of her front windshield & paw prints scattered all over her hood, like some sort of weird 'Arthur Murray' teach-yourself-to-dance lessons. (You know the ones...you're supposed to tape paper "foot prints" to the floor, then stepping onto each of them, in order, you learn how to dance!) Poor thing....she can't even quiver, like a dog, to shake them off of her hood. How long, into the night, do these decadent parties last??....How humiliated she must feel! Even more so, when the frenzied felines get high on catnip & start using her windshield for a ski slope!! You've seen a cat's butt. Would you want that in YOUR face?? I think not.
Upon further inspection, I see that cats are not the only visitors to this 'auto amusement park'. The birds have apparently laid claim to her right side rear-view mirror.....as evidenced by the dried and colorful bird droppings below it! (Birds can be SO vain!!)
I had no idea she was enduring such suffering. She never said a word to me about it! I've promised her a good old fashioned, soap-sudsy, hand-wash, just as soon as the weather warms up enough. To cheer her up further, I hinted at a possible coat of Turtlewax too, but told her I could not promise that. I know she would REALLY prefer the 'spa-treatment' & roller-brush massage she gets at the carwash in town, but we simply can't afford that right now. I think she understands. She made comment that she was glad Honey's Trailblazer was in the garage & couldn't see her in this condition. I can totally relate!
Today, as I was passing by her, my discerning eye noticed some unusual (and quite unnatural) disturbances in her cloak of dust. Upon closer inspection, I could see that the neighborhood cats have apparently declared my vehicle to be their own private amusement park!!
She has cat-butt skid marks down both sides of her front windshield & paw prints scattered all over her hood, like some sort of weird 'Arthur Murray' teach-yourself-to-dance lessons. (You know the ones...you're supposed to tape paper "foot prints" to the floor, then stepping onto each of them, in order, you learn how to dance!) Poor thing....she can't even quiver, like a dog, to shake them off of her hood. How long, into the night, do these decadent parties last??....How humiliated she must feel! Even more so, when the frenzied felines get high on catnip & start using her windshield for a ski slope!! You've seen a cat's butt. Would you want that in YOUR face?? I think not.
Upon further inspection, I see that cats are not the only visitors to this 'auto amusement park'. The birds have apparently laid claim to her right side rear-view mirror.....as evidenced by the dried and colorful bird droppings below it! (Birds can be SO vain!!)
I had no idea she was enduring such suffering. She never said a word to me about it! I've promised her a good old fashioned, soap-sudsy, hand-wash, just as soon as the weather warms up enough. To cheer her up further, I hinted at a possible coat of Turtlewax too, but told her I could not promise that. I know she would REALLY prefer the 'spa-treatment' & roller-brush massage she gets at the carwash in town, but we simply can't afford that right now. I think she understands. She made comment that she was glad Honey's Trailblazer was in the garage & couldn't see her in this condition. I can totally relate!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Phone Surveys
"Hello?"
"Yes, may I speak with _________?"
"This is she".
"Oh, yes ma'am, and how are you this wonderful morning?" [Oh, gag me with a spoon!! Just get to the point! I KNOW you did not call just to chat & could care less how I'm doing! I am pissed that YOU have a job and I don't....so just GET ON WITH IT!]
As an American citizen, we value your opinion & would like to ask if you would participate in a VERY BRIEF survey? This will only take 1 to 2 minutes, as we know your time is valuable! Would you do that for us?? Is now a good time??" [Stop being so damned sickeningly sweet!! I'm an adult!! You can talk to me as if I am!]
"What is this survey regarding?"
"Well, I'm sure you've probably heard of the new healthcare plan just voted in by our Congress?"
[YOUR Congress, lady, NOT MINE!! They haven't done ANYTHING for me!!]
"Of course!" [I don't live in a bubble!! Who HASN'T heard of it??]
"What is it you want to know?"
"I work for 'XYZ Organization', and we strive to make sure the people's voices are heard in Washington." [Oh REALLY?? THEN WHY THE HELL WEREN'T YOU LISTENING WHEN WE SAID WE DID NOT WANT SOCIALIZED HEALTHCARE IN AMERICA???]
First off, we'd like a brief statement, in your own words, as to how you think this landmark event will directly affect you?" [You're shittin' me, right?? Boy, did YOU just open a can of worms!!]
Thank God for Call Waiting!!
"Oops! So sorry!!Gotta Go! That's my DOCTOR on the other line. I'd better take that call while he's still IN THE COUNTRY!! All the good doctors will be abandoning this sinking ship while they still can!"
PUT THAT IN YOUR DAMN SURVEY!!
"Yes, may I speak with _________?"
"This is she".
"Oh, yes ma'am, and how are you this wonderful morning?" [Oh, gag me with a spoon!! Just get to the point! I KNOW you did not call just to chat & could care less how I'm doing! I am pissed that YOU have a job and I don't....so just GET ON WITH IT!]
As an American citizen, we value your opinion & would like to ask if you would participate in a VERY BRIEF survey? This will only take 1 to 2 minutes, as we know your time is valuable! Would you do that for us?? Is now a good time??" [Stop being so damned sickeningly sweet!! I'm an adult!! You can talk to me as if I am!]
"What is this survey regarding?"
"Well, I'm sure you've probably heard of the new healthcare plan just voted in by our Congress?"
[YOUR Congress, lady, NOT MINE!! They haven't done ANYTHING for me!!]
"Of course!" [I don't live in a bubble!! Who HASN'T heard of it??]
"What is it you want to know?"
"I work for 'XYZ Organization', and we strive to make sure the people's voices are heard in Washington." [Oh REALLY?? THEN WHY THE HELL WEREN'T YOU LISTENING WHEN WE SAID WE DID NOT WANT SOCIALIZED HEALTHCARE IN AMERICA???]
First off, we'd like a brief statement, in your own words, as to how you think this landmark event will directly affect you?" [You're shittin' me, right?? Boy, did YOU just open a can of worms!!]
Thank God for Call Waiting!!
"Oops! So sorry!!Gotta Go! That's my DOCTOR on the other line. I'd better take that call while he's still IN THE COUNTRY!! All the good doctors will be abandoning this sinking ship while they still can!"
PUT THAT IN YOUR DAMN SURVEY!!
State of the Union
Now I lay me down to sleep; Convinced we're nothing more than sheep!
The 'wolf' is howling at my door, for money I don't have no more.
My creditors are screaming mad; My FICO score is, oh, so bad!
Where once my bills were paid on time, I now have NOTHING; not a dime!
I used to have employment; I used to have enjoyment!
I now sit, numbly, as I write.. (Ten million others share my plight!)
Our leaders sell us out, with lies! Deaf, they are, to all our cries!
Our nation, once the best on earth no longer sees it's people's mirth.
Our children whimper in the night; Our elderly have lost their fight.
No borders, now, along our shores; Our enemies enter by the scores!
You take my gun...and now my knife; You have destroyed my way of life!
It's not enough to see us bleed! You're a monster, ravenous with greed!
Eventually.....you'll have it all, but eventually, too, the Lord will call!!
You may bring our country down, but the fires of Hell will be your crown!
Go assemble now, your marching bands; the REAL outcome is in God's hands!!
The 'wolf' is howling at my door, for money I don't have no more.
My creditors are screaming mad; My FICO score is, oh, so bad!
Where once my bills were paid on time, I now have NOTHING; not a dime!
I used to have employment; I used to have enjoyment!
I now sit, numbly, as I write.. (Ten million others share my plight!)
Our leaders sell us out, with lies! Deaf, they are, to all our cries!
Our nation, once the best on earth no longer sees it's people's mirth.
Our children whimper in the night; Our elderly have lost their fight.
No borders, now, along our shores; Our enemies enter by the scores!
You take my gun...and now my knife; You have destroyed my way of life!
It's not enough to see us bleed! You're a monster, ravenous with greed!
Eventually.....you'll have it all, but eventually, too, the Lord will call!!
You may bring our country down, but the fires of Hell will be your crown!
Go assemble now, your marching bands; the REAL outcome is in God's hands!!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Well, Eye Swear!!
My friend....I'll call her Irma....was having problems with her left eye. It was 'tearing' constantly. So much so, that she'd rubbed it raw, just drying the tears, at the outer corner of her eye. Finally, she decided to see a doctor. Fortunately, the condition is somewhat common, and very much correctable. Surgery was scheduled.
Now, Irma is the sort of person that does NOT take to anesthetics well. They make her do crazy things.... like singing the National Anthem....LOUDLY.... and encouraging others to please join in......or hugging all the staff when they come into her room, as if they are long, lost relatives! Most of her antics are harmless...but her husband stays closeby, just to make sure they stay that way!
Irma came through the surgery without a hitch, looking just a little worse for wear, but she had weeks of fun with the black eye the surgery had given her. Kept telling people her husband had punched her. (He would NEVER!!) Then going on to comment how "they oughta see the shape HE was in!"
Finally, the day came for the followup doctor's visit. Everything checked out OK, and the doctor removed the "drainage tube" that had been inserted into her tear duct during the procedure. Irma said that tube was about as fine as a human hair, and about three inches long! (Medical procedures are amazing, aren't they??)
Irma was given a clean bill of health & sent on her way. All the traces of the black eye were gone by this time. She did come home with one concern, however. She says that NOW, everytime she blows her nose....air shoots out her eye!! I'm sure it's only a temporary thing, but did encourage her to call her doctor to discuss it.
She assured me she would.....right after her birthday. (Irma normally celebrates her birthday with the ladies of the Garden Club) I asked what her birthday had to do with calling her doctor. She explained that she couldn't WAIT to see the look on their faces when she blows out those birthday candles with her EYE!!
I'd like to see that myself!
Now, Irma is the sort of person that does NOT take to anesthetics well. They make her do crazy things.... like singing the National Anthem....LOUDLY.... and encouraging others to please join in......or hugging all the staff when they come into her room, as if they are long, lost relatives! Most of her antics are harmless...but her husband stays closeby, just to make sure they stay that way!
Irma came through the surgery without a hitch, looking just a little worse for wear, but she had weeks of fun with the black eye the surgery had given her. Kept telling people her husband had punched her. (He would NEVER!!) Then going on to comment how "they oughta see the shape HE was in!"
Finally, the day came for the followup doctor's visit. Everything checked out OK, and the doctor removed the "drainage tube" that had been inserted into her tear duct during the procedure. Irma said that tube was about as fine as a human hair, and about three inches long! (Medical procedures are amazing, aren't they??)
Irma was given a clean bill of health & sent on her way. All the traces of the black eye were gone by this time. She did come home with one concern, however. She says that NOW, everytime she blows her nose....air shoots out her eye!! I'm sure it's only a temporary thing, but did encourage her to call her doctor to discuss it.
She assured me she would.....right after her birthday. (Irma normally celebrates her birthday with the ladies of the Garden Club) I asked what her birthday had to do with calling her doctor. She explained that she couldn't WAIT to see the look on their faces when she blows out those birthday candles with her EYE!!
I'd like to see that myself!
Eggs-cellent Idea!!
The count was 78 eggs!!! SOMEONE IS WORKING OVERTIME! These eggs are dispersed amongst the 12 nest boxes available inside the coop, but I think that's just a ploy to confuse me & make me think ALL my hens are involved. I'm just a little apprehensive! I envision being suddenly over-run with baby chicks.....which quickly grow into large chicks.....which all need to be FED! It's all I can do to keep the core group of 23 chickens fed! I spend $20 month on 'scratch grain'. The rest of the time.....it's a "free range" buffet in the pasture......and whatever scraps I have from the kitchen!
Well, Honey tells me I should put a sign out by the road, advertising my "fresh eggs for sale". He says I can probably get $2 - $3 dozen for them. A dozen of these would certainly be a strange variety of mixed sizes & colors! I've got Silver-Laced Wyandotts, Rhode Island Reds, Barred Rocks, Delawares, and Araucanas (commonly known as Easter Egg Chickens, 'cause they layed colored eggs!) HEY!! THAT MIGHT BE A GOOD SELLING POINT! Araucanas lay beautifully colored eggs of blue-green shades from turquoise to deep olive.
Yessiree, folks!! Get your eggs ALREADY DYED just in time for Easter!! These would be 'dual-purpose' eggs.....you can eat 'em or incubate 'em & grow your own chickens! (Honey might be onto something here!!)
Oh well.....if my chicken population gets too far out of hand, I have a niece who will probably take in the 'overflow' (right, Lora??) LOL
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Ever have one of those 'Duh!' moments?
I consider myself to be somewhat near the top on the "normal intelligence" scale....no Einstein, you understand, but well educated & knowledgeable in many, many areas. That's why, sometimes, I am taken aback...and other times, just downright stunned....when a revelation comes from out of the blue & hits me upside the head!! It's when I feel my most 'blonde-est'. The shock of these occurrences keeps me puzzled and pondering, for hours after the initial 'slap in the face'!
Today's enlightenment was finally understanding the reference to a QWERTY keyboard!!! Ever since I first heard of this type of keyboard, I've thought, "Hmmm...what a strange name! Wonder what it means?" I told myself it was just another one of those "new-age" phrases like "blog"...or "emo". QWERTY is not a "name"....it is not a new acronym.....it's not a new anything !!
IT IS THE TOP 6 LETTERS, OF A STANDARD KEYBOARD...FIVE OF WHICH ARE TYPED WITH THE LEFT HAND, AND ONE IS TYPED WITH THE INDEX FINGER OF THE RIGHT HAND!!!
DUH!!! (sometimes I feel like such an idiot!!)
Today's enlightenment was finally understanding the reference to a QWERTY keyboard!!! Ever since I first heard of this type of keyboard, I've thought, "Hmmm...what a strange name! Wonder what it means?" I told myself it was just another one of those "new-age" phrases like "blog"...or "emo". QWERTY is not a "name"....it is not a new acronym.....it's not a new anything !!
IT IS THE TOP 6 LETTERS, OF A STANDARD KEYBOARD...FIVE OF WHICH ARE TYPED WITH THE LEFT HAND, AND ONE IS TYPED WITH THE INDEX FINGER OF THE RIGHT HAND!!!
DUH!!! (sometimes I feel like such an idiot!!)
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Cock-a-Doodle-DON'T!! (UPDATE)
I think Buddy is still po'd about that earlier incident of getting kicked in the butt by Honey, and all. He's really developing an AT-TI-TUDE problem!! What's unfortunate for Buddy, though is, he's beginning to take out his hostilities on ME!!
For the third day in a row, now, when I go to the barn with the "goodie bucket" (that's all the food scraps from the kitchen) and all my "chickie-babies" are running to meet me & follow me into the coop, Buddy circles round behind for a sneak attack!
First time he came at me, I was quite surprised! Had I not been wearing jeans, he would've surely drawn blood, and even through my jeans, he left an angry red scratch mark! When I whirled around, in astonishment, he simply puffed up his feathers & glared at me, as if to say, "wha'd'ya gonna do about it??" My Barred-Rock rooster, Kellogg, witnessed the attack & tried to come to my defense....as best a rooster can! He charged at Buddy & ran him off, giving me enough time to dump the goodie bucket in the feed tray and leave.
Since that time, I carry a hefty wooden stick with me, when I am in Buddy's presence. So far, I've not had to actually inflict PAIN on him with my stick, but I fear that day is not far off! He seems to prefer the sneak attack from the rear. (HE doesn't know about, but my kids can atest to, the 'eyes in the back of my head'.) I've had to strategically place the wooden stick between me & Buddy on more than one occasion, now.
You might say Buddy is learning how to POLE DANCE.....and if he's not real careful, he's gonna dance his way right into the dumplin' pot!! If Buddy only knew how scrumpciously GOOD my dumplin's are.....he wouldn't take such chances!!
For the third day in a row, now, when I go to the barn with the "goodie bucket" (that's all the food scraps from the kitchen) and all my "chickie-babies" are running to meet me & follow me into the coop, Buddy circles round behind for a sneak attack!
First time he came at me, I was quite surprised! Had I not been wearing jeans, he would've surely drawn blood, and even through my jeans, he left an angry red scratch mark! When I whirled around, in astonishment, he simply puffed up his feathers & glared at me, as if to say, "wha'd'ya gonna do about it??" My Barred-Rock rooster, Kellogg, witnessed the attack & tried to come to my defense....as best a rooster can! He charged at Buddy & ran him off, giving me enough time to dump the goodie bucket in the feed tray and leave.
Since that time, I carry a hefty wooden stick with me, when I am in Buddy's presence. So far, I've not had to actually inflict PAIN on him with my stick, but I fear that day is not far off! He seems to prefer the sneak attack from the rear. (HE doesn't know about, but my kids can atest to, the 'eyes in the back of my head'.) I've had to strategically place the wooden stick between me & Buddy on more than one occasion, now.
You might say Buddy is learning how to POLE DANCE.....and if he's not real careful, he's gonna dance his way right into the dumplin' pot!! If Buddy only knew how scrumpciously GOOD my dumplin's are.....he wouldn't take such chances!!
How New Airlines are Born!
I read today of "tightened security measures" in our nation's airports. The goverment plans to install 450 full-body scanners in airports around the country. These scanners cost $150,000.00 EACH! That's a total of $67.5 MILLION!! (I thought we were broke?? What about the deficit I keep hearing about??) And to make us all feel even safer, our illustrious President, Odumba Obama, has earmarked an additional $88 million for another 500 units in his 2011 fiscal budget. The TSA (Transportation Security Administration) is also using $15 million to buy 400 more portable explosive detection machines this year. Obama has requested $39 million to buy an additional 800 machines in fiscal 2011. In addition, Obama has promised to put more air marshals on flights. His fiscal 2011 budget includes $85 million "for increased federal air marshals on international flight coverage." IS ALL OF THIS REALLY NECESSARY FOLKS???
No damn wonder an airline ticket now costs a small fortune! (you didn't actually think the government was footing the bill for this stuff, did you??) Where do you think the GOVERNMENT gets their money??? That's right!! FROM US....THE TAXPAYERS!!
Well, I'm just about FED UP with MY money being squandered on things I consider pure bullshit!! I have a proposal that will not only LOWER the cost of airfare, but SHORTEN your time spent in airports, waiting to be scanned, probed, questioned, and detained. The American people need to be able to use flight as a means to get from point A to point B, in as little amount of time as possible, and without having to show up at the airport THREE DAYS IN ADVANCE of their scheduled flight!
I propose: UNITED DARE-LINES....an airline company run by the people, for the people, and IN SPITE OF THE PEOPLE who would choose to threaten our safety! Travel on this airline would involve NO security checks what-so-ever. ANYONE choosing to fly with United Dare-Lines would be doing so at their own risk! Your ONLY delay in boarding would be the time it takes for you to sign a waiver to that effect, and ...holding your carry-on luggage....step onto the scales on your way thru the gate.
Overall weight is very important if you expect the plane to get off the ground! You don't want us to know how much you weigh?? PICK ANOTHER AIRLINE!! ('course, you could always claim you just had "heavy luggage".) We will adhere to the standard "weight & balance" guidelines, thereby restricting the amount of luggage brought onboard, by any one passenger, to three pieces of CHECKED baggage & two carry-on pieces.
In exchange for this drastic, cost-reducing & innovative approach, a person could expect to buy a roundtrip ticket from Los Angeles to New York City for around $125.00 The pilots & crew, due to the hazardous POSSIBLITIES, would, of course, receive the highest salaries available to ANY airline crews! Our crews would be constantly rotated so that none of our employees fly "back to back" flights...just in case they pissed somebody off on a previous flight!
With United Dare-Lines, there are NO "ounce-age" restrictions on liquids. Bring as much as you like! Just be aware that the airline will NOT be responsible for any spills....and YOU clean up your own mess! (Paper towels will be provided for a nominal fee, if you do not have your own.)
We will NOT transport live animals of any type. Our belief is that THEY, being unable to read and sign the waiver for themselves, should NOT be subjected to the possibility of a firey plane crash & certain death or dismemberment, simply for the convenience of their owners. (UPS does deliver live animals, and if you plan well....your pet can MEET YOU at your destination.)
Our airline would serve only pre-packaged, 5 oz. snacks, such as peanuts or potato chips. "Cheetos" brand snacks will NOT be served onboard, or permitted to be carried on, due to the fact that they tend to leave nasty yellow "trace evidence" all over the upholstery. You will be offered your choice of alcoholic beverage at NO CHARGE. (Oh, and water, for those non-drinking people.) It is our belief that, since signing your waiver, and boarding our plane....you might need 'a little something' to calm your nerves. Although all alcoholic beverages are free of charge, we WILL charge $2.00 per bottle of water. (Water is quite heavy & must be included in our overall 'weight & balance' figures, therefore, only a limited supply can be carried on board.)
Our airline would further cut the cost of flights by eliminating the standard oxygen and masks from all our planes. This will be a huge savings which will be directly passed on to our customers. We figure if you're that paranoid about any sudden changes in cabin pressure....bring your own oxygen & mask...but be advised that this will count as one of your 'carry-on' pieces. (The same rules apply to anyone wishing to bring a parachute onboard.)
Oh, and finally.....handguns ARE ALLOWED on all of our domestic flights. We don't need a federal air marshal! It is our assumption and belief, that none of our passengers wants to go down in a ball of flame & twisted metal, or be vaporized with explosives at 30,000 feet.
OUR MOTTO: If you spot an obvious TERRORIST on one of our flights.....PUT A CAP IN HIS ASS!!
No damn wonder an airline ticket now costs a small fortune! (you didn't actually think the government was footing the bill for this stuff, did you??) Where do you think the GOVERNMENT gets their money??? That's right!! FROM US....THE TAXPAYERS!!
Well, I'm just about FED UP with MY money being squandered on things I consider pure bullshit!! I have a proposal that will not only LOWER the cost of airfare, but SHORTEN your time spent in airports, waiting to be scanned, probed, questioned, and detained. The American people need to be able to use flight as a means to get from point A to point B, in as little amount of time as possible, and without having to show up at the airport THREE DAYS IN ADVANCE of their scheduled flight!
I propose: UNITED DARE-LINES....an airline company run by the people, for the people, and IN SPITE OF THE PEOPLE who would choose to threaten our safety! Travel on this airline would involve NO security checks what-so-ever. ANYONE choosing to fly with United Dare-Lines would be doing so at their own risk! Your ONLY delay in boarding would be the time it takes for you to sign a waiver to that effect, and ...holding your carry-on luggage....step onto the scales on your way thru the gate.
Overall weight is very important if you expect the plane to get off the ground! You don't want us to know how much you weigh?? PICK ANOTHER AIRLINE!! ('course, you could always claim you just had "heavy luggage".) We will adhere to the standard "weight & balance" guidelines, thereby restricting the amount of luggage brought onboard, by any one passenger, to three pieces of CHECKED baggage & two carry-on pieces.
In exchange for this drastic, cost-reducing & innovative approach, a person could expect to buy a roundtrip ticket from Los Angeles to New York City for around $125.00 The pilots & crew, due to the hazardous POSSIBLITIES, would, of course, receive the highest salaries available to ANY airline crews! Our crews would be constantly rotated so that none of our employees fly "back to back" flights...just in case they pissed somebody off on a previous flight!
With United Dare-Lines, there are NO "ounce-age" restrictions on liquids. Bring as much as you like! Just be aware that the airline will NOT be responsible for any spills....and YOU clean up your own mess! (Paper towels will be provided for a nominal fee, if you do not have your own.)
We will NOT transport live animals of any type. Our belief is that THEY, being unable to read and sign the waiver for themselves, should NOT be subjected to the possibility of a firey plane crash & certain death or dismemberment, simply for the convenience of their owners. (UPS does deliver live animals, and if you plan well....your pet can MEET YOU at your destination.)
Our airline would serve only pre-packaged, 5 oz. snacks, such as peanuts or potato chips. "Cheetos" brand snacks will NOT be served onboard, or permitted to be carried on, due to the fact that they tend to leave nasty yellow "trace evidence" all over the upholstery. You will be offered your choice of alcoholic beverage at NO CHARGE. (Oh, and water, for those non-drinking people.) It is our belief that, since signing your waiver, and boarding our plane....you might need 'a little something' to calm your nerves. Although all alcoholic beverages are free of charge, we WILL charge $2.00 per bottle of water. (Water is quite heavy & must be included in our overall 'weight & balance' figures, therefore, only a limited supply can be carried on board.)
Our airline would further cut the cost of flights by eliminating the standard oxygen and masks from all our planes. This will be a huge savings which will be directly passed on to our customers. We figure if you're that paranoid about any sudden changes in cabin pressure....bring your own oxygen & mask...but be advised that this will count as one of your 'carry-on' pieces. (The same rules apply to anyone wishing to bring a parachute onboard.)
Oh, and finally.....handguns ARE ALLOWED on all of our domestic flights. We don't need a federal air marshal! It is our assumption and belief, that none of our passengers wants to go down in a ball of flame & twisted metal, or be vaporized with explosives at 30,000 feet.
OUR MOTTO: If you spot an obvious TERRORIST on one of our flights.....PUT A CAP IN HIS ASS!!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Today I am thankful!
Today has been a strange day for me. It's hard to describe, or even 'put my finger on it', but everywhere I've turned today, I saw another reason to be thankful! I've been busy asking God to help me find a job, or to help me in some other way, or give me this or that....always asking for more & more.....but today, I feel nothing but thanks in my heart for all the blessings he has already given me. Simple things, really. I am truly thankful that I have a friend like Betty, who took me to lunch today & even surprised me with a birthday gift. I am thankful that I have a good vehicle that got me to that lunch date. I am thankful that I was able to buy a few groceries on my way home which will get me thru a few more days. I have a coat, when it's cold out. I have all that I need for today. The Bible tells me in Matthew 10:31 that even as God takes care of sparrows....he will take care of me & provide for me. So far....He's done just that. Even when I worry & wonder "how"....He's there. I've not gone hungry. I've not slept in the streets. I've not shivered in the rain & cold. I have a roof over my head & a warm bed at night. I have laughter, even in the hard times, and my pets to amuse me & take my mind off of worldly problems. I have people that love me & let me know that. My siblings have helped me financially, so that I am still able to "maintain" until a job finds me.
I am truly, truly, blessed, TODAY, and I will not worry about tomorrow....for God's already there!
I am truly, truly, blessed, TODAY, and I will not worry about tomorrow....for God's already there!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Chicken "Cross-dressers"??
When the poultry dealer I ordered from told me they were giving me a free "exotic" chick with my order.....I naively assumed that meant it would have unusual markings, or perhaps, more colorful plumage!
Guess I should call back for clarification!
Grampa
Grampa came to visit last summer & set up camp in my guest room. It was endearing to see him set Gramma's picture on the nightstand, next to his pocket change. His little idiosyncracies are so charming. It was a joy to have him there...in the beginning.
Every morning, (5:59 AM TO BE EXACT!)you could hear Grampa shuffle down the hall to the bathroom & start blowing the 'bowl bugle'. Several minutes later, I could hear him retrieving his teeth from the jar & knew his next stop would be the kitchen.
Grampa liked to "take his breakfast", as he put it, on my sun porch. There, he could enjoy his cornflakes while watching the wildlife just outside the window. He seemed to derive great pleasure from watching the birds frollick in the birdbath (looked to me like they were trying to drown each other!). Grampa would get so engrossed in the "goings on" outside the window, that the bowl of cornflakes was forgotten...which suited my cat, KiKi, just fine! She shared breakfast with Grampa every morning of his visit & probably had gained a couple of pounds by the time summer was over.
Grampa would finally return his attention to the bowl of, now SOGGY, cornflakes and with no clue that KiKi had drank all the milk from the bowl, he would loudly proclaim his amazement that the cornflakes had "soaked up that much milk!" (well, can't eat soggy cornflakes, so into the garbage disposal they went!) The local supermarket probably thinks that Cornflakes are a "seasonal food" at our house. Grampa's visits are the ONLY time we buy them...and we bought a LOT of 'em that summer!
After breakfast, Grampa headed for the rocker on the porch. He'd sit there for hours, just watching the traffic pass by out on the highway. His second day there caused our dog, Diogi (that's pronounced "D" "O" "G") a great deal of distress. One of Diogi's squeaky toys had lodged under the runner on the rocker. With each 'rock', the toy would squeak & Diogi would howl, but was never quite fast enough to retrieve the toy. Grampa, sans his hearing aids, was oblivious to the noise & commotion. MY NERVES, ON THE OTHER HAND, HAD HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH!
I didn't have the heart to interrupt Grampa's "quiet" interlude on the porch, so I reset all the clocks 2 hours ahead, just to convince Grampa it was time for his nap! It worked. Grampa headed upstairs to the guest room; Diogi was finally able to retrieve his squeaky toy (which I promptly placed on top of the refrigerator!); and KiKi reclaimed "her" rocking chair!
Summer came to a close....peace in my household has been restored. Grampa is already talking about NEXT year's visit possibly being a little longer..."maybe stay right thru Christmas" he says.
I truly love Grampa, but I'm doing my best to convince him how very badly my sister wants him to visit HER next year!!
Every morning, (5:59 AM TO BE EXACT!)you could hear Grampa shuffle down the hall to the bathroom & start blowing the 'bowl bugle'. Several minutes later, I could hear him retrieving his teeth from the jar & knew his next stop would be the kitchen.
Grampa liked to "take his breakfast", as he put it, on my sun porch. There, he could enjoy his cornflakes while watching the wildlife just outside the window. He seemed to derive great pleasure from watching the birds frollick in the birdbath (looked to me like they were trying to drown each other!). Grampa would get so engrossed in the "goings on" outside the window, that the bowl of cornflakes was forgotten...which suited my cat, KiKi, just fine! She shared breakfast with Grampa every morning of his visit & probably had gained a couple of pounds by the time summer was over.
Grampa would finally return his attention to the bowl of, now SOGGY, cornflakes and with no clue that KiKi had drank all the milk from the bowl, he would loudly proclaim his amazement that the cornflakes had "soaked up that much milk!" (well, can't eat soggy cornflakes, so into the garbage disposal they went!) The local supermarket probably thinks that Cornflakes are a "seasonal food" at our house. Grampa's visits are the ONLY time we buy them...and we bought a LOT of 'em that summer!
After breakfast, Grampa headed for the rocker on the porch. He'd sit there for hours, just watching the traffic pass by out on the highway. His second day there caused our dog, Diogi (that's pronounced "D" "O" "G") a great deal of distress. One of Diogi's squeaky toys had lodged under the runner on the rocker. With each 'rock', the toy would squeak & Diogi would howl, but was never quite fast enough to retrieve the toy. Grampa, sans his hearing aids, was oblivious to the noise & commotion. MY NERVES, ON THE OTHER HAND, HAD HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH!
I didn't have the heart to interrupt Grampa's "quiet" interlude on the porch, so I reset all the clocks 2 hours ahead, just to convince Grampa it was time for his nap! It worked. Grampa headed upstairs to the guest room; Diogi was finally able to retrieve his squeaky toy (which I promptly placed on top of the refrigerator!); and KiKi reclaimed "her" rocking chair!
Summer came to a close....peace in my household has been restored. Grampa is already talking about NEXT year's visit possibly being a little longer..."maybe stay right thru Christmas" he says.
I truly love Grampa, but I'm doing my best to convince him how very badly my sister wants him to visit HER next year!!
Friday, March 19, 2010
I've been a bit preoccupied lately....
You KNOW you've got too much on your mind when you step out of the shower to towel off....and realize you forgot to rinse the soap off!! As I climbed back into the shower to rinse, I could only think "...well, THAT's never happened before!"
Once back in the shower....and still mentally derailed....I automatically picked up the shampoo & began washing my hair...AGAIN! Today, I am probably the CLEANEST person in town!!
BUT....unemployed & short on cash....this just means I'll have to 'dry clean' tomorrow! I've already used up tomorrow's allotment of soap,water, and shampoo!
Heck.....maybe it'll rain! I should probably spend the rest of TODAY, out in the woods, searching for 'soap root'!!
Once back in the shower....and still mentally derailed....I automatically picked up the shampoo & began washing my hair...AGAIN! Today, I am probably the CLEANEST person in town!!
BUT....unemployed & short on cash....this just means I'll have to 'dry clean' tomorrow! I've already used up tomorrow's allotment of soap,water, and shampoo!
Heck.....maybe it'll rain! I should probably spend the rest of TODAY, out in the woods, searching for 'soap root'!!
Reverse Marketing???
I just read an article concerning a leather & sheepskin boot, which is very popular with young (and not so young) females. For obvious reasons, I won't divulge the NAME of the boot in question....suffice it to say, they are just really UGGly boots!!
The article was cautioning about the inherent "dangers" of wearing this style boot, because there was "no support" for the foot. It went on to say something about how "....with each step, the force falls to the inside of the foot..." Blah, Blah, Blah. Bottom line is, they're trying to tell you that by wearing this style of boot, you're eventually going to end up with NOT ONLY flat feet, but problems with your Achilles tendon, knees, hips and lower back. Hmmm....imagine that! All those related health issues, just because this boot doesn't offer an arch support! (And to think of all those childhood summers spent barefoot & happy! Guess Mom didn't know she was contributing to my physical demise!)
I think we should all be very concerned about this new health threat!! SOMEONE needs to get the word out to all those bare foot tribes of natives in the Amazon, Australia, and other places on earth & make sure they begin wearing a shoe that will support their feet!!
WHO COULD HAVE KNOWN??!!! I am so thankful that there are "experts" out there who will enlighten us about such things! What EVER did people do back in Biblical times???? I'm almost quite certain those sandals did NOT have arch supports in them! And I seem to remember reading an article many, many years ago about the first "shoes" being merely leather bags tied around the foot, (Oh, GREAT support there!!)and differentiation between the RIGHT shoe & the LEFT shoe didn't occur until the 1800's!!
It's just by the sheer grace of God that the entire populace of earth was not crippled, even before any of us were born!! If I am to believe what I just read, I'll have to resolve to throw out all my summer flip-flops and invest in some good orthopedic shoes!!
Will I have a choice of color, or do they still come only in black, like what Grandma had??
The article was cautioning about the inherent "dangers" of wearing this style boot, because there was "no support" for the foot. It went on to say something about how "....with each step, the force falls to the inside of the foot..." Blah, Blah, Blah. Bottom line is, they're trying to tell you that by wearing this style of boot, you're eventually going to end up with NOT ONLY flat feet, but problems with your Achilles tendon, knees, hips and lower back. Hmmm....imagine that! All those related health issues, just because this boot doesn't offer an arch support! (And to think of all those childhood summers spent barefoot & happy! Guess Mom didn't know she was contributing to my physical demise!)
I think we should all be very concerned about this new health threat!! SOMEONE needs to get the word out to all those bare foot tribes of natives in the Amazon, Australia, and other places on earth & make sure they begin wearing a shoe that will support their feet!!
WHO COULD HAVE KNOWN??!!! I am so thankful that there are "experts" out there who will enlighten us about such things! What EVER did people do back in Biblical times???? I'm almost quite certain those sandals did NOT have arch supports in them! And I seem to remember reading an article many, many years ago about the first "shoes" being merely leather bags tied around the foot, (Oh, GREAT support there!!)and differentiation between the RIGHT shoe & the LEFT shoe didn't occur until the 1800's!!
It's just by the sheer grace of God that the entire populace of earth was not crippled, even before any of us were born!! If I am to believe what I just read, I'll have to resolve to throw out all my summer flip-flops and invest in some good orthopedic shoes!!
Will I have a choice of color, or do they still come only in black, like what Grandma had??
Thursday, March 18, 2010
BMI...
Well , I believe, (in some instances) it should stand for 'BLITHERING MENTAL IDIOT'!!
My youngest grandchild is 5 yrs old. He stands 4 ft tall, and weighs 58 lbs. When he takes his shirt off, you can almost (ALMOST!) count his little ribs. (See for yourself....that's him there, just above.)
Today, his mother received a letter from the boy's school. The letter was to inform her that her child was borderline OBESE, according to their BMI charts. They admonished her to withhold between-meal snacks from the child, and to prohibit him from spending an excessive amount of time in front of the television, as it has been determined that THESE ACTIVITIES contribute to today's obese children!
OK....NOW THEY'VE GONE AND PISSED OFF GRANDMA!!!!!!!!!!!
First of all...when I can dang near count the boys ribs....he is NOT borderline obese!!
Secondly....the child eats like a sick bird!! I'm actually surprised he doesn't suffer from malnutrition. I know for a FACT that 'mom' has to plead and cajole, just to get him to eat ANYTHING. And those 'between meal snacks' I witnessed were plumbs, oranges, and apples!!
Ooooooooohhhhh,Baaaaaaaaaaaad!!!!!!!!!
And thirdly...the child rarely sits watching TV. If his mother would allow it, he'd be outside riding his bike & playing with his friends till midnight or later! I've witnessed that first hand!
What I'd like to know is: WHY ARE OUR SCHOOLS MAKING THESE DETERMINATIONS?? I THOUGHT WE SENT OUR KIDS TO SCHOOL FOR AN EDUCATION!?? I THINK THE SCHOOL NURSE NEEDS TO GET BACK TO DISPENSING BANDAIDS & KLEENEX (yeah, they don't trust her with aspirin anymore!) AND LEAVE THE 'BODY MASS INDEX' STUFF TO THE PEDIATRICIANS!
My grandson is NOT borderline obese by ANY INDEX!! He's a healthy, happy, well-adjusted 5 yr. old. Well, at least he WAS. I worry now that the school has just planted the seeds that could develope into negative self-image! Oh, but then...in a few more years, maybe they can refer him for THERAPY to correct that!
'PayPal'
Don't ya just love PayPal?? I've just recently learned that you can send money via PayPal to anyone who has an email address.
WELL...I HAVE AN EMAIL ADDRESS...SO...I NEED ALL MY FANS
(this would be YOU)TO SEND ME MONEY! OK??
You don't have a problem with that do ya? Just think of the wondrous expression of JOY you can help put on my face! ...AND....Your CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTIONS are tax deductible, ya know!
Yes, folks, for just pennies a day, you can helpa starving child a sweet middle-aged woman avoid bankruptcy & destitution !! I know you can hardly wait to contribute to this worthy cause! For a generous donation of $100.00 or more, you'll receive a letter with your child's MY PICTURE & a brief description of my current circumstances. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!! ORDER NOW SEND MONEY NOW, AND YOUR NAME WILL BE ADDED TO OUR DRAWING FOR A FREE (YES, FREE!)CARTON OF FRESH CHICKEN EGGS!! Yes, folks, that's ONE DOZEN farm-fresh, home-grown, eggs. From the chicken's butt...to your table....it doesn't get any fresher than that, folks!! This is TRULY a worthwhile endeavor!
SMALL PRINT DISCLAIMER: all money donated via PayPal will immediately be transferred to my PovertyPal account for distribution to my creditors!
WELL...I HAVE AN EMAIL ADDRESS...SO...I NEED ALL MY FANS
(this would be YOU)TO SEND ME MONEY! OK??
You don't have a problem with that do ya? Just think of the wondrous expression of JOY you can help put on my face! ...AND....Your CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTIONS are tax deductible, ya know!
Yes, folks, for just pennies a day, you can help
SMALL PRINT DISCLAIMER: all money donated via PayPal will immediately be transferred to my PovertyPal account for distribution to my creditors!
"The Waltons"
Remember that TV program?? Three generations living under one roof. How many of them were there? They never seemed to be crowded, but I'm sure that was most likely due to camera angles. And how many rooms did that house have, anyway?? It didn't look all that big from the outside.
Yeah, the Walton's seemed to be a neighborly sort of folk. Always giving the perverbial "helping hand" to any stranger who ended up on their doorstep. Sometimes Daddy & Grampa would put them to work in their sawmill; and I think, sometimes, they'd even let them live in the little cottage next to the main house. (you know...the one where JimBob & the new wife "honeymooned" after they married. Personally, I would have preferred to get a little farther away from home to honeymoon!)
Anyway, my point is, that they all lived a communal sort of lifestyle. Those of the kids, who did go off & marry, would eventually bring their spouses back to live with the folks, there on the mountain.
I think we can all use them as a fine example of WHAT ALL OUR FUTURES ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE! At the rate things are financially deteriorating at MY house, I'm starting to wonder if I need to make-ready the guest room & perhaps set up several cots in the sunroom?? No telling how many of the relatives are gonna be needing a place to stay! Then again, it may be that we sell this place & start scoping out a relative with room for US to move in!! I'm thinking that it won't be much longer before most households encompass several generations.....JUST TO BE ABLE TO SURVIVE!! And all I can think of is:
"GOOD GRIEF, JOHN BOY!!"
Yeah, the Walton's seemed to be a neighborly sort of folk. Always giving the perverbial "helping hand" to any stranger who ended up on their doorstep. Sometimes Daddy & Grampa would put them to work in their sawmill; and I think, sometimes, they'd even let them live in the little cottage next to the main house. (you know...the one where JimBob & the new wife "honeymooned" after they married. Personally, I would have preferred to get a little farther away from home to honeymoon!)
Anyway, my point is, that they all lived a communal sort of lifestyle. Those of the kids, who did go off & marry, would eventually bring their spouses back to live with the folks, there on the mountain.
I think we can all use them as a fine example of WHAT ALL OUR FUTURES ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE! At the rate things are financially deteriorating at MY house, I'm starting to wonder if I need to make-ready the guest room & perhaps set up several cots in the sunroom?? No telling how many of the relatives are gonna be needing a place to stay! Then again, it may be that we sell this place & start scoping out a relative with room for US to move in!! I'm thinking that it won't be much longer before most households encompass several generations.....JUST TO BE ABLE TO SURVIVE!! And all I can think of is:
"GOOD GRIEF, JOHN BOY!!"
Census 2010
Big white envelope arrived this week. Notice on the outside states:
YOUR RESPONSE IS REQUIRED BY LAW. OK, I'm a law abiding citizen, so really don't mind standing up to be COUNTED. What I'm having a problem with is all their other questions! The Constitution of the United States, granted our government permission to COUNT the populace every ten years. COUNT!! As in ONE, one citizen...TWO, two citizens...THREE, three citizens (Oh, sorry! Sesame Street flashbacks of 'Count Dracula!!) however, it did NOT authorize the taking of NAMES and personal information!! Current Census policies VIOLATE the 4th amendment of our Constitution. They want to know my everything about my PRIVATE life!!
How much do I make?
WHY, SO UNCLE SAM WILL KNOW WHEN HE HAS SUCKED EVERY LAST DIME I HAD OUTTA ME??
Where does my money come from? WHY? AFRAID I MIGHT HAVE A SOURCE THE GOVERNMENT HASN'T BEEN ABLE TO TAP INTO YET?? LOOKING FOR WAYS TO LEVY A NEW TAX OF SOME SORT??
How much are my house payments? WHY?? COMPUTING HOW MANY MORE MONTHS I CAN HANG ON BEFORE IT GOES INTO FORECLOSURE?? TRYING TO FIGURE HOW LONG UNTIL I'M COMPLETELY HOMELESS??
How many cars do I own? WHY? GOT SOME DEAL GOING WITH CHINA ON SCRAP TONNAGE WHEN MY VEHICLE GETS REPO'D??
How much do I pay for insurance? WHO CAN AFFORD INSURANCE??
Do I receive food stamps? WHY? AFRAID I'LL LIVE LONGER IF I EAT??
What is my race? (in other words, what COLOR am I) WHY? SO YOU'LL KNOW WHICH FEMA CAMP TO EVENTUALLY HOUSE ME IN??
WOULD YOU READILY GIVE ALL THIS INFORMATION TO SOME STRANGER ON THE STREET?? That Census taker at your door may look real official, with a clipboard & a Certificate from the government, BUT YOU DO NOT KNOW THIS PERSON! THIS PERSON IS A STRANGER TO YOU!
Check your dictionary:
strange (strānj)
adj. strang·er, strang·est
1. Not previously known; unfamiliar.
YOUR RESPONSE IS REQUIRED BY LAW. OK, I'm a law abiding citizen, so really don't mind standing up to be COUNTED. What I'm having a problem with is all their other questions! The Constitution of the United States, granted our government permission to COUNT the populace every ten years. COUNT!! As in ONE, one citizen...TWO, two citizens...THREE, three citizens (Oh, sorry! Sesame Street flashbacks of 'Count Dracula!!) however, it did NOT authorize the taking of NAMES and personal information!! Current Census policies VIOLATE the 4th amendment of our Constitution. They want to know my everything about my PRIVATE life!!
How much do I make?
WHY, SO UNCLE SAM WILL KNOW WHEN HE HAS SUCKED EVERY LAST DIME I HAD OUTTA ME??
Where does my money come from? WHY? AFRAID I MIGHT HAVE A SOURCE THE GOVERNMENT HASN'T BEEN ABLE TO TAP INTO YET?? LOOKING FOR WAYS TO LEVY A NEW TAX OF SOME SORT??
How much are my house payments? WHY?? COMPUTING HOW MANY MORE MONTHS I CAN HANG ON BEFORE IT GOES INTO FORECLOSURE?? TRYING TO FIGURE HOW LONG UNTIL I'M COMPLETELY HOMELESS??
How many cars do I own? WHY? GOT SOME DEAL GOING WITH CHINA ON SCRAP TONNAGE WHEN MY VEHICLE GETS REPO'D??
How much do I pay for insurance? WHO CAN AFFORD INSURANCE??
Do I receive food stamps? WHY? AFRAID I'LL LIVE LONGER IF I EAT??
What is my race? (in other words, what COLOR am I) WHY? SO YOU'LL KNOW WHICH FEMA CAMP TO EVENTUALLY HOUSE ME IN??
WOULD YOU READILY GIVE ALL THIS INFORMATION TO SOME STRANGER ON THE STREET?? That Census taker at your door may look real official, with a clipboard & a Certificate from the government, BUT YOU DO NOT KNOW THIS PERSON! THIS PERSON IS A STRANGER TO YOU!
Check your dictionary:
strange (strānj)
adj. strang·er, strang·est
1. Not previously known; unfamiliar.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Equine Flatulence
The horses, here on the homestead, seem to have eaten something recently that doesn't quite agree with their digestive systems. And let me tell ya, when all EIGHT horses are farting in sync, it sounds like some sort of weird "symphony"! (this would be only the wind instruments, you understand) None of them seem the least bit embarrassed by this occurrence, but there did seem to be some annoyance amongst the group. They continually shifted around & switched places; each trying to get upwind of the other, I guess!
I might ought to go check the pasture for BEAN SPROUTS! LOL
The Birthday Gift
You gave to me the gift of life, so many years ago
Then, earnestly, you trained my feet; the path that I should go.
And in that sphere of boundless love; you nurtured with such care --
And planted in that tiny heart, the seeds still buried there.
Though bittersweet, some mem'ries be --
(the times I broke your hearts)
You never lost your faith in me, through all my many "starts".
Your love was always constant; your convictions, always true --
I never knew that growing up, would be so hard to do!
I strayed from what you taught me and I stumbled in the dark;
I disregarded wisdom that you both tried to impart.
Most all my life, I've lived in fear of what I could achieve;
Assailed with doubts and questions, as to just what I believed.
It's taken, oh so many years, for me to get it right,
But finally all those little seeds are reaching for the light.
I never had the courage...until now...to try my wings,
But age has brought me confidence-- I can do ANYTHING!
And since it is my birthday, what greater gift could be
Than giving back, unto myself, the life you gave to me?
Today is my beginning, for I now believe in ME --
But I write to say "I love you"...and to thank you for the seeds!
Written especially for my mom & dad, in 1989.
Then, earnestly, you trained my feet; the path that I should go.
And in that sphere of boundless love; you nurtured with such care --
And planted in that tiny heart, the seeds still buried there.
Though bittersweet, some mem'ries be --
(the times I broke your hearts)
You never lost your faith in me, through all my many "starts".
Your love was always constant; your convictions, always true --
I never knew that growing up, would be so hard to do!
I strayed from what you taught me and I stumbled in the dark;
I disregarded wisdom that you both tried to impart.
Most all my life, I've lived in fear of what I could achieve;
Assailed with doubts and questions, as to just what I believed.
It's taken, oh so many years, for me to get it right,
But finally all those little seeds are reaching for the light.
I never had the courage...until now...to try my wings,
But age has brought me confidence-- I can do ANYTHING!
And since it is my birthday, what greater gift could be
Than giving back, unto myself, the life you gave to me?
Today is my beginning, for I now believe in ME --
But I write to say "I love you"...and to thank you for the seeds!
Written especially for my mom & dad, in 1989.
GPS Devices
I am beginning to suspect that my GPS unit (I call "her" Alice) is out to get me. I've always treated her with dignity & respect; even bought her some "extras", like a visor to keep the sun off her face. I always keep her zipped up in a nice leather case when she's not on duty. You'd THINK she would show more appreciation!
I first noticed something screwy when I visited a nearby community on business. I KNOW the route, but thought I'd take Alice out of the case & let her feel useful. After my business was concluded, I put Alice back on her "perch". When she asked "Where to?" I pressed "HOME".
Alice immediately calculated the route. I questioned her displayed route, but thought I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. She & I were fairly new acquaintances, so, rather than argue with her, I decided it was a nice day for a scenic drive & we set out according to her directions.
Home should have been only 25 mins away. I KNOW WHERE I LIVE! By the time Alice got us there, an entire HOUR had passed. When I finally got home, I unplugged Alice & rechecked her settings. Perhaps I had confused her with my selections, so I reset some things & zipped her back into her case.
I had occasion to need Alice's help again, recently. Since my daughter moved to the new place, I've been there only a couple of times. Each time, Alice takes me a different route...but we manage to eventually get there.
This time, I felt confident that Alice could SURELY get me there. I pulled up the "saved location"; pressed "GO", and we were on our way. Alice indicated the trip should take us just under 2 hrs. I was OK with that.
Well, we're traveling right along & things seem to be going fine. We were a little past the allotted time frame, but I understand that there are variances to be considered, such as speed, traffic, detours, etc. Once we passed the 2 1/2 hr. mark, I'm beginning to get somewhat concerned. NOTHING looked familiar, yet I knew we HAD to be close to my daughter's place. I could see Alice's little checkered flag on the screen, indicating my desired destination!
I made every turn, precisely the way Alice indicated. I kept ending up in the WRONG housing subdivision. It was completely surrounded by wooden privacy fencing. Alice kept telling me that my daughter's place was just the other side of the fence. BUT HOW THE HELL DO I GET THERE????
The place was a maze! I backtracked, u-turned, retraced, and did all I could think of, to get to where I needed to be. I finally had to call my daughter to come FIND me, and guide me to her driveway!!
I swear, I think Alice was laughing, but can't prove it since I had the VOICE option set to OFF!
I first noticed something screwy when I visited a nearby community on business. I KNOW the route, but thought I'd take Alice out of the case & let her feel useful. After my business was concluded, I put Alice back on her "perch". When she asked "Where to?" I pressed "HOME".
Alice immediately calculated the route. I questioned her displayed route, but thought I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. She & I were fairly new acquaintances, so, rather than argue with her, I decided it was a nice day for a scenic drive & we set out according to her directions.
Home should have been only 25 mins away. I KNOW WHERE I LIVE! By the time Alice got us there, an entire HOUR had passed. When I finally got home, I unplugged Alice & rechecked her settings. Perhaps I had confused her with my selections, so I reset some things & zipped her back into her case.
I had occasion to need Alice's help again, recently. Since my daughter moved to the new place, I've been there only a couple of times. Each time, Alice takes me a different route...but we manage to eventually get there.
This time, I felt confident that Alice could SURELY get me there. I pulled up the "saved location"; pressed "GO", and we were on our way. Alice indicated the trip should take us just under 2 hrs. I was OK with that.
Well, we're traveling right along & things seem to be going fine. We were a little past the allotted time frame, but I understand that there are variances to be considered, such as speed, traffic, detours, etc. Once we passed the 2 1/2 hr. mark, I'm beginning to get somewhat concerned. NOTHING looked familiar, yet I knew we HAD to be close to my daughter's place. I could see Alice's little checkered flag on the screen, indicating my desired destination!
I made every turn, precisely the way Alice indicated. I kept ending up in the WRONG housing subdivision. It was completely surrounded by wooden privacy fencing. Alice kept telling me that my daughter's place was just the other side of the fence. BUT HOW THE HELL DO I GET THERE????
The place was a maze! I backtracked, u-turned, retraced, and did all I could think of, to get to where I needed to be. I finally had to call my daughter to come FIND me, and guide me to her driveway!!
I swear, I think Alice was laughing, but can't prove it since I had the VOICE option set to OFF!
Small Town Newspapers...
My local newspaper is a GREAT source of entertainment for me. Especially the Classified Ads section.
For instance, today I read an ad for someone wishing to sell a "Bubble bath spa to go in your bathtub". Well, where else would you put it? But what really intrigued me was the next line: "Has a remote control". Hmmmm....WHY?? Do some folks just fire it up & watch the bubbles from the hallway??
Then there's the ads for puppies. Today's paper boasts NINETEEN of those "FREE" puppy ads!! And in all 19 ads, the puppies are "part" this and "part" that. Some ads like to use the term "mixed breed"...which, loosely translated means....they don't have a clue who the "daddy" is! So if you get one of these pups, it's a crapshoot as to how big that dog will be when full grown. I KNOW we have animal clinics & veterinary services, even in THIS neck of the woods. DID ANYONE EVER CONSIDER SPAY & NEUTER??
My gosh, though, if folks were to begin "altering" their animals, the news paper's Classified section would shrink by nearly a whole page! Can't let THAT happen!!
And this one was very interesting...FISH DAY at the local county co-op. You can buy fish in lots of 100...I guess to stock your pond...but you have to "bring your own barrel with water". But, how do you know that some of these fish aren't being served up at the local restaurant, (who, by the way, just happens to be running a concurrent ad about their special on a Catfish Dinner for $6.95??) Not that there's anything wrong with that, you understand, except that we KNOW what they paid, PER HUNDRED, for those catfish! Seems the restaurant will be making a handsome profit with this one!
Then there's the plethora of 4 wheelers (ATV's to us cityfolk!), tractors, and tractor parts. I've even just recently learned what a "hay spear" is!! That's been a real revelation! Ya know those big round bales of hay? Yeah, you see them lined up in pastures on your drive through the countryside on Sunday's. Well, farmers have a special attachment that affixes to the front of their tractor, called a Hay Spear. It's just a long steel pole with a point on the end. The farmer literally SPEARS the haybale. He can then transport it to where ever he wants it. Quite interesting to watch.
It occurred to me that I'd like to see Hay Spear Jousting!! John Deere vs. Massey-Ferguson!! I KNOW the locals would really get into it!! Heck, they could make it a 'staple event' in the annual HogWoller Festival! Oh, I could really expound on this, but seem to be going off on a tangent again.
I'll just end by saying...We never saw these kinds of ads in the city!!
For instance, today I read an ad for someone wishing to sell a "Bubble bath spa to go in your bathtub". Well, where else would you put it? But what really intrigued me was the next line: "Has a remote control". Hmmmm....WHY?? Do some folks just fire it up & watch the bubbles from the hallway??
Then there's the ads for puppies. Today's paper boasts NINETEEN of those "FREE" puppy ads!! And in all 19 ads, the puppies are "part" this and "part" that. Some ads like to use the term "mixed breed"...which, loosely translated means....they don't have a clue who the "daddy" is! So if you get one of these pups, it's a crapshoot as to how big that dog will be when full grown. I KNOW we have animal clinics & veterinary services, even in THIS neck of the woods. DID ANYONE EVER CONSIDER SPAY & NEUTER??
My gosh, though, if folks were to begin "altering" their animals, the news paper's Classified section would shrink by nearly a whole page! Can't let THAT happen!!
And this one was very interesting...FISH DAY at the local county co-op. You can buy fish in lots of 100...I guess to stock your pond...but you have to "bring your own barrel with water". But, how do you know that some of these fish aren't being served up at the local restaurant, (who, by the way, just happens to be running a concurrent ad about their special on a Catfish Dinner for $6.95??) Not that there's anything wrong with that, you understand, except that we KNOW what they paid, PER HUNDRED, for those catfish! Seems the restaurant will be making a handsome profit with this one!
Then there's the plethora of 4 wheelers (ATV's to us cityfolk!), tractors, and tractor parts. I've even just recently learned what a "hay spear" is!! That's been a real revelation! Ya know those big round bales of hay? Yeah, you see them lined up in pastures on your drive through the countryside on Sunday's. Well, farmers have a special attachment that affixes to the front of their tractor, called a Hay Spear. It's just a long steel pole with a point on the end. The farmer literally SPEARS the haybale. He can then transport it to where ever he wants it. Quite interesting to watch.
It occurred to me that I'd like to see Hay Spear Jousting!! John Deere vs. Massey-Ferguson!! I KNOW the locals would really get into it!! Heck, they could make it a 'staple event' in the annual HogWoller Festival! Oh, I could really expound on this, but seem to be going off on a tangent again.
I'll just end by saying...We never saw these kinds of ads in the city!!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Those nasty little Collections calls....
I've really got to hand it to my creditors! I have never known such tenacity, such perserverance, and just downright dogged determination!! The first call of the day usually comes in around 8:04 am, and the calls continue until 8:59 pm. They certainly play by the rules!! God love 'em!
Of course, I never answer any of these calls. I simply let them continue to ring. (I keep my phone in my pocket and set on vibrate, so hey, the more calls the merrier!!) When a call is missed or ignored, my phone automatically records the incoming phone number in my "Missed Calls" log. I simply dial that number back & listen to their recorded answering equipment announce to me, "Thanks for calling Chase Financial" ...or ..."Thanks for calling Discover Card". Then I simply add their name to the number in my 'saved' list & know who to ignore in the future!
It's become a regular game now....me dodging their calls; and them trying to come up with more creative ways to reach me! I think my favorite, so far, has been text messaging! They're sending me messages to please contact them immediately concerning my account. LOL....do they REALLY think I'm gonna call them back???
When texting didn't work, I began receiving calls from "UNKNOWN". They leave me voice mail messages regarding the $300 I've just won....to claim my "prize", I simply need to contact them for further instructions. ARE YOU SERIOUS?? First of all, I know....beyond any doubt...that I couldn't possibly have WON anything...let alone, MONEY, since I haven't entered any contest, of any kind, in over ten years!! But I'm sure the guy who thought up this little gimmick probably had a little somethin' extra in his paycheck that week! I guess maybe the good people of PAKISTAN and INDIA are not aware that we have Caller ID??? AIN'T TECHNOLOGY WONDERFUL??? Yep, I'm thinking it's probably the best invention since the dishwasher!
And just so you'll know that I'm not simply dodging my financial obligations, you must understand that after nearly 20 mos. of consecutive unemployment, SOMETHING had to give!! ESPECIALLY when the unemployment benefits ran out several months back! I've cashed out my 401K and all that money is now gone. I've cashed in all the Certificates of Deposit I had with the bank....all that money is gone. Without ANY means of income, I found it necessary to contract with a 'debt settlement' organization and I am set up to begin making payments to THEM....providing of course, that I EVER FIND GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT EVER AGAIN!!! It was they (the debt settlement people) who informed me that, since THEY are now handling my debts, I did NOT have to speak with my creditors. In fact, they expressly advised against VERBAL communication & said that ANY & ALL correspondence should be in writing. All of my creditors were notified by certified mail that my unpaid balances are now in the hands of the debt settlement folks.
So, you see......I find this whole collection calls fiasco immensely entertaining!!
Of course, I never answer any of these calls. I simply let them continue to ring. (I keep my phone in my pocket and set on vibrate, so hey, the more calls the merrier!!) When a call is missed or ignored, my phone automatically records the incoming phone number in my "Missed Calls" log. I simply dial that number back & listen to their recorded answering equipment announce to me, "Thanks for calling Chase Financial" ...or ..."Thanks for calling Discover Card". Then I simply add their name to the number in my 'saved' list & know who to ignore in the future!
It's become a regular game now....me dodging their calls; and them trying to come up with more creative ways to reach me! I think my favorite, so far, has been text messaging! They're sending me messages to please contact them immediately concerning my account. LOL....do they REALLY think I'm gonna call them back???
When texting didn't work, I began receiving calls from "UNKNOWN". They leave me voice mail messages regarding the $300 I've just won....to claim my "prize", I simply need to contact them for further instructions. ARE YOU SERIOUS?? First of all, I know....beyond any doubt...that I couldn't possibly have WON anything...let alone, MONEY, since I haven't entered any contest, of any kind, in over ten years!! But I'm sure the guy who thought up this little gimmick probably had a little somethin' extra in his paycheck that week! I guess maybe the good people of PAKISTAN and INDIA are not aware that we have Caller ID??? AIN'T TECHNOLOGY WONDERFUL??? Yep, I'm thinking it's probably the best invention since the dishwasher!
And just so you'll know that I'm not simply dodging my financial obligations, you must understand that after nearly 20 mos. of consecutive unemployment, SOMETHING had to give!! ESPECIALLY when the unemployment benefits ran out several months back! I've cashed out my 401K and all that money is now gone. I've cashed in all the Certificates of Deposit I had with the bank....all that money is gone. Without ANY means of income, I found it necessary to contract with a 'debt settlement' organization and I am set up to begin making payments to THEM....providing of course, that I EVER FIND GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT EVER AGAIN!!! It was they (the debt settlement people) who informed me that, since THEY are now handling my debts, I did NOT have to speak with my creditors. In fact, they expressly advised against VERBAL communication & said that ANY & ALL correspondence should be in writing. All of my creditors were notified by certified mail that my unpaid balances are now in the hands of the debt settlement folks.
So, you see......I find this whole collection calls fiasco immensely entertaining!!
Elder Care
I was at Walmart the other day doing a little shopping (with my remaining $43) and it occurred to me that Walmart REALLY needs to re-think their store layout! (And WHY they call this particular location a "super center" is beyond me! There is nothing SUPER about the place!)
I noticed that the little power-driven "carts" were not being used by the elderly, but by the obese. Seems to me, if Walmart would put all the high-calorie "comfort foods" and soft drinks just inside the doors, next to the bakery, these people could shop without having to use the danged "go-carts, as all the stuff they normally buy would be within a short walking distance of the door....thus leaving the carts available to the elderly and HANDICAPPED.
In the course of picking up the items I needed, I came upon an elderly couple shopping for various items. (They looked so sweet!) He was pushing the shopping cart & she was following along, on her walker. Apparently, they both needed hearing aids, as they were loudly conversing, discussing the things on their shopping list, and where those items might be found.
When I first encountered this lovely old couple, they were in produce buying the prunes he needed "to keep you regular, like the doctor said, Horace!" Next up on the list was 'Depends', because she "wets herself" everytime she sneezes. Well, 'Depends' were on the complete other side of the store, in the Health & Beauty section. (and WHY is it called that?? Neither of them were healthy OR beautiful!) I knew that at their current rate of travel, what with the walker and all, it would take them forever to complete their shopping.
Apparently, this was not a problem for them. I got the impression that their 'shopping trip' was actually an ALL DAY OUTING for them. On their way to Health & Beauty, she sweetly suggested to Horace that they stop off at Subway (at the end of checkout aisle # 22) for lunch before they completed their shopping. Horace grumbled that he didn't like Subway 'cause he had trouble with the "...dang bread like shoe leather...can't chew the crap without losin' my dentures!!" Maude, not to be deterred, calmly suggested to Horace that he could "have the soup, instead of a sandwich, dear."
While they enjoyed their lunch, I quickly finished up MY shopping so I could get back to them. (now MY shopping trip was becoming an 'all day' affair!) I was able to get what I came for, check out, take the goods to my car, and get back to Subway, just as Horace & Maude were finishing up. There was a small delay, while Horace got the walker's legs untangled from the shopping cart wheels. Now....off to Health & Beauty!!
Maude found the 'Depends' she needed on the back wall. Horace, still grumbling about loose dentures, decided to try some of that "..new goo" he'd seen advertised on TV that's supposed to "hold strong, all day long..." Well, that's when I began to realize that Walmart's lay out was NOT 'elderly friendly'. The denture adhesives were 4 aisles over from where the 'Depends' were. It took them nearly 15 minutes just to GET there! Then Horace remembered he needed some new blades for his razor...they had to backtrack 2 aisles! Maude mentioned shampoo...that was just on the outskirts of Health & Beauty, over next to the makeup, and would constitute ANOTHER 15-20 min. trip for them.
I began to feel sorry for them. I wanted to set them both down on the bench there in the Pharmacy area, snatch their list, and go do their shopping FOR them! It was wearing ME out, just watching them! Just about the time they were headed to get shampoo, Maude asked Horace what else was on their list. That's when "the fit hit the shan", if you know what I mean!
Horace shouted that he didn't have "...any danged list". Maude insisted that he did, and "please check your pockets, dear". Horace became VERY indignant and asked if Maude would like to "frisk him" and find the "danged list yourself??!" I could tell Maude was becoming riled. She had lost that sweet little twinkle in her eyes. It was replaced by firey red laser beams, and they were boring through poor old Horace! Maude began shouting explitives at Horace (which I cannot repeat here, in print!) At one point, I thought Maude was going to hit Horace with her purse, but had also noticed that this wasn't Horace's first "rodeo". He had already lined up on Maude with the shopping cart, in a defensive stance. She was still shouting and had concluded that Horace's "dumb ass probably threw the list in the trash at Subway, with the sandwich wrappings!!" Horace said a few choice words and flatly told Maude that under NO circumstances was he about to go digging through the trash cans at Subway to find "...a damned stupid grocery list! Can't you remember what the hell you need, you senile old woman??"
I could see that things were just going to escalate. I didn't want to be there when the cops arrived, to see poor old Horace & Maude hauled away in handcuffs. At worst, if things DID calm down, without their list, they'd be shopping till after midnight....one aisle at a time, trying to jog poor Maude's memory! I couldn't stay that late. (Had to get home & feed my chickens, you see.)
As I was driving home, I replayed the whole shopping scenario over & over in my head. I finally concluded that the entire ugly situation could have been avoided, if only Walmart were more sensitive to the needs of the elderly! All the items that our senior citizens need & buy regularly, could all be centrally located in ONE section of the store. I see no reason why prunes can't share a shelf with 'Depends' ...when you think about it, these are RELATED ITEMS. Puddings, yogurts, and cottage cheese could be displayed next to denture items. That way, if they elderly choose NOT to wear their teeth, they have easy to eat foods to choose from, right there, without having to traverse the entire length & breadth of a Walmart Super Center! Some pet foods should also share this space. A lot of our elderly have small, furry companions at home.....then again, some of our elderly EAT PET FOOD, because the cost of groceries has forced them into unwanted dietary changes!
If all these items were conveniently located, with care & concern for the elderly, Horace & Maude could have completed ALL their shopping BEFORE going to Subway, thus preventing the whole ugly scene over the lost shopping list!!
I'm calling Walmart Corporate Offices this afternoon!!
I noticed that the little power-driven "carts" were not being used by the elderly, but by the obese. Seems to me, if Walmart would put all the high-calorie "comfort foods" and soft drinks just inside the doors, next to the bakery, these people could shop without having to use the danged "go-carts, as all the stuff they normally buy would be within a short walking distance of the door....thus leaving the carts available to the elderly and HANDICAPPED.
In the course of picking up the items I needed, I came upon an elderly couple shopping for various items. (They looked so sweet!) He was pushing the shopping cart & she was following along, on her walker. Apparently, they both needed hearing aids, as they were loudly conversing, discussing the things on their shopping list, and where those items might be found.
When I first encountered this lovely old couple, they were in produce buying the prunes he needed "to keep you regular, like the doctor said, Horace!" Next up on the list was 'Depends', because she "wets herself" everytime she sneezes. Well, 'Depends' were on the complete other side of the store, in the Health & Beauty section. (and WHY is it called that?? Neither of them were healthy OR beautiful!) I knew that at their current rate of travel, what with the walker and all, it would take them forever to complete their shopping.
Apparently, this was not a problem for them. I got the impression that their 'shopping trip' was actually an ALL DAY OUTING for them. On their way to Health & Beauty, she sweetly suggested to Horace that they stop off at Subway (at the end of checkout aisle # 22) for lunch before they completed their shopping. Horace grumbled that he didn't like Subway 'cause he had trouble with the "...dang bread like shoe leather...can't chew the crap without losin' my dentures!!" Maude, not to be deterred, calmly suggested to Horace that he could "have the soup, instead of a sandwich, dear."
While they enjoyed their lunch, I quickly finished up MY shopping so I could get back to them. (now MY shopping trip was becoming an 'all day' affair!) I was able to get what I came for, check out, take the goods to my car, and get back to Subway, just as Horace & Maude were finishing up. There was a small delay, while Horace got the walker's legs untangled from the shopping cart wheels. Now....off to Health & Beauty!!
Maude found the 'Depends' she needed on the back wall. Horace, still grumbling about loose dentures, decided to try some of that "..new goo" he'd seen advertised on TV that's supposed to "hold strong, all day long..." Well, that's when I began to realize that Walmart's lay out was NOT 'elderly friendly'. The denture adhesives were 4 aisles over from where the 'Depends' were. It took them nearly 15 minutes just to GET there! Then Horace remembered he needed some new blades for his razor...they had to backtrack 2 aisles! Maude mentioned shampoo...that was just on the outskirts of Health & Beauty, over next to the makeup, and would constitute ANOTHER 15-20 min. trip for them.
I began to feel sorry for them. I wanted to set them both down on the bench there in the Pharmacy area, snatch their list, and go do their shopping FOR them! It was wearing ME out, just watching them! Just about the time they were headed to get shampoo, Maude asked Horace what else was on their list. That's when "the fit hit the shan", if you know what I mean!
Horace shouted that he didn't have "...any danged list". Maude insisted that he did, and "please check your pockets, dear". Horace became VERY indignant and asked if Maude would like to "frisk him" and find the "danged list yourself??!" I could tell Maude was becoming riled. She had lost that sweet little twinkle in her eyes. It was replaced by firey red laser beams, and they were boring through poor old Horace! Maude began shouting explitives at Horace (which I cannot repeat here, in print!) At one point, I thought Maude was going to hit Horace with her purse, but had also noticed that this wasn't Horace's first "rodeo". He had already lined up on Maude with the shopping cart, in a defensive stance. She was still shouting and had concluded that Horace's "dumb ass probably threw the list in the trash at Subway, with the sandwich wrappings!!" Horace said a few choice words and flatly told Maude that under NO circumstances was he about to go digging through the trash cans at Subway to find "...a damned stupid grocery list! Can't you remember what the hell you need, you senile old woman??"
I could see that things were just going to escalate. I didn't want to be there when the cops arrived, to see poor old Horace & Maude hauled away in handcuffs. At worst, if things DID calm down, without their list, they'd be shopping till after midnight....one aisle at a time, trying to jog poor Maude's memory! I couldn't stay that late. (Had to get home & feed my chickens, you see.)
As I was driving home, I replayed the whole shopping scenario over & over in my head. I finally concluded that the entire ugly situation could have been avoided, if only Walmart were more sensitive to the needs of the elderly! All the items that our senior citizens need & buy regularly, could all be centrally located in ONE section of the store. I see no reason why prunes can't share a shelf with 'Depends' ...when you think about it, these are RELATED ITEMS. Puddings, yogurts, and cottage cheese could be displayed next to denture items. That way, if they elderly choose NOT to wear their teeth, they have easy to eat foods to choose from, right there, without having to traverse the entire length & breadth of a Walmart Super Center! Some pet foods should also share this space. A lot of our elderly have small, furry companions at home.....then again, some of our elderly EAT PET FOOD, because the cost of groceries has forced them into unwanted dietary changes!
If all these items were conveniently located, with care & concern for the elderly, Horace & Maude could have completed ALL their shopping BEFORE going to Subway, thus preventing the whole ugly scene over the lost shopping list!!
I'm calling Walmart Corporate Offices this afternoon!!
Monday, March 15, 2010
It's not even LENT yet...
...I'm not even Catholic...but I sure seem to be giving up a lot of stuff!
I knew, when I lost my job, that certain adjustments would have to be made. Some adjustments can be rather painful. For instance, right off the bat, I KNEW I would no longer get to enjoy beer! Meaning ONLY that I gave up BUYING it. I did NOT give up drinking. (just want to make sure we're clear on that!) If you're buying the beer...I'll be happy to help make it disappear! I'm just thankful I quit smoking several years ago!
I've given up name-brand products, and am learning that 'generics' aren't ALL bad. I've actually determined that some are even better than the national brands.
I've given up those aimless "Sunday drives"....where you make a point of taking that unfamiliar road, just because you've always wondered where it would take you. With gasoline climbing back up to near $3 gallon, I now just sit in my truck, in my driveway, and pull up "Google Earth" on my cell phone. It's is AMAZING how many more miles to the gallon I'm getting now, and still get to see where that road goes!!
I determined that I can really save a bundle on shampoo and conditioner, by NOT shampooing my hair TWICE (just 'cause it feels so much cleaner when I do!) I'm shampooing only ONCE now, per shower, and have decided I can save even more by NOT blow-drying & styling my hair. I'll just keep my hair hidden under a towel. I read recently that there were more & more Muslims living in America, so if I just wear the towel, I should fit right in. Heck, I guess I could even go so far as to adopt their custom of hiding all but my eyes under a veil of some sort....then I wouldn't have to struggle to buy makeup!! (If wearing sunglasses is ok, I won't even have to use mascara!!) Crap, it'd be easier, still, just to put a bag over my head. Next time they ask me "paper or plastic??" at the checkout counter, guess I'll start saying PAPER!
I'm sure, as my period of unemployment lengthens, I'll find more & more things I can give up, but I can guarantee you this:
I REFUSE TO GIVE UP TOILET PAPER!!
I knew, when I lost my job, that certain adjustments would have to be made. Some adjustments can be rather painful. For instance, right off the bat, I KNEW I would no longer get to enjoy beer! Meaning ONLY that I gave up BUYING it. I did NOT give up drinking. (just want to make sure we're clear on that!) If you're buying the beer...I'll be happy to help make it disappear! I'm just thankful I quit smoking several years ago!
I've given up name-brand products, and am learning that 'generics' aren't ALL bad. I've actually determined that some are even better than the national brands.
I've given up those aimless "Sunday drives"....where you make a point of taking that unfamiliar road, just because you've always wondered where it would take you. With gasoline climbing back up to near $3 gallon, I now just sit in my truck, in my driveway, and pull up "Google Earth" on my cell phone. It's is AMAZING how many more miles to the gallon I'm getting now, and still get to see where that road goes!!
I determined that I can really save a bundle on shampoo and conditioner, by NOT shampooing my hair TWICE (just 'cause it feels so much cleaner when I do!) I'm shampooing only ONCE now, per shower, and have decided I can save even more by NOT blow-drying & styling my hair. I'll just keep my hair hidden under a towel. I read recently that there were more & more Muslims living in America, so if I just wear the towel, I should fit right in. Heck, I guess I could even go so far as to adopt their custom of hiding all but my eyes under a veil of some sort....then I wouldn't have to struggle to buy makeup!! (If wearing sunglasses is ok, I won't even have to use mascara!!) Crap, it'd be easier, still, just to put a bag over my head. Next time they ask me "paper or plastic??" at the checkout counter, guess I'll start saying PAPER!
I'm sure, as my period of unemployment lengthens, I'll find more & more things I can give up, but I can guarantee you this:
I REFUSE TO GIVE UP TOILET PAPER!!
When I say I'm looking......
...I mean, I AM REALLY LOOKING!
I'm searching all the job boards & employment websites for anything within reasonable driving distance from my home. Ran across this one:
Farmworker, Vegetable I --
Manual labor to plant, cultivate and harvest tomatoes. Will use hand tools such as shovels,hoes and knives. May include tilling soil, and applying fertilizers, transplanting, weeding, thinning or pruning. Applying persticides, cleaning, packing and loading crops. Other activies as needed.
The ad says there is no educational requirement, and No Experience Required. I'm guessing they won't be doing a background check, either.
Well, would it be dishonest of me to apply for this job and NOT divulge the fact that I have a "black thumb"?? How long would it take for them to discover my secret?? Maybe by the time they figured it out, Tomato season would be over? Or, perhaps they would NOT figure it out. That would leave me free to pursue a new career as a 'migrant farm worker'. Being migrant, I could stay just ahead of an actual discovery of my gardening secret! (Seriously, folks, I can kill a silk plant!! Mine usually choke to death on accumulated DUST!!)
In some ways, this would be the ideal job for me. I LOVE tomatoes. (would it be considered 'stealing' from the company if I were to eat a few during my employment there?) My problem is, I love them so much I generally "over indulge", eat wa-a-a-ay too many, and break out with hives! (Guess then, they'd know who'd been eating into the profits, huh??...pun, intended!)
And what about those worms that like to eat tomato plants. They make really good fishin' worms. If I collected all I found & took them home...is that also stealing? Would those worms be considered company property? Could the fact that the worms seem to appear out of nowhere, be viewed the same as accrued interest on your money? And if so, does that make it embezzlement, or would it just be viewed along the same lines as taking a few paper clips home from the office??
Well, maybe I should re-think applying for this job. If I can't eat the tomotoes, or take home the free fish bait, I probably would end up a "disgruntled" employee. Next thing you know, there's dissention in the ranks. The other employees would hear of my gripes & band together to march on town hall, carrying their shovels & hoes....kinda like the scene from the movie, Frankenstein, where the towns people marched on the good Doctor's house in order to kill the monster.
I don't want to be responsible for inciting a riot!
Back to the "CLASSIFIED's" , I guess!!
I'm searching all the job boards & employment websites for anything within reasonable driving distance from my home. Ran across this one:
Farmworker, Vegetable I --
Manual labor to plant, cultivate and harvest tomatoes. Will use hand tools such as shovels,hoes and knives. May include tilling soil, and applying fertilizers, transplanting, weeding, thinning or pruning. Applying persticides, cleaning, packing and loading crops. Other activies as needed.
The ad says there is no educational requirement, and No Experience Required. I'm guessing they won't be doing a background check, either.
Well, would it be dishonest of me to apply for this job and NOT divulge the fact that I have a "black thumb"?? How long would it take for them to discover my secret?? Maybe by the time they figured it out, Tomato season would be over? Or, perhaps they would NOT figure it out. That would leave me free to pursue a new career as a 'migrant farm worker'. Being migrant, I could stay just ahead of an actual discovery of my gardening secret! (Seriously, folks, I can kill a silk plant!! Mine usually choke to death on accumulated DUST!!)
In some ways, this would be the ideal job for me. I LOVE tomatoes. (would it be considered 'stealing' from the company if I were to eat a few during my employment there?) My problem is, I love them so much I generally "over indulge", eat wa-a-a-ay too many, and break out with hives! (Guess then, they'd know who'd been eating into the profits, huh??...pun, intended!)
And what about those worms that like to eat tomato plants. They make really good fishin' worms. If I collected all I found & took them home...is that also stealing? Would those worms be considered company property? Could the fact that the worms seem to appear out of nowhere, be viewed the same as accrued interest on your money? And if so, does that make it embezzlement, or would it just be viewed along the same lines as taking a few paper clips home from the office??
Well, maybe I should re-think applying for this job. If I can't eat the tomotoes, or take home the free fish bait, I probably would end up a "disgruntled" employee. Next thing you know, there's dissention in the ranks. The other employees would hear of my gripes & band together to march on town hall, carrying their shovels & hoes....kinda like the scene from the movie, Frankenstein, where the towns people marched on the good Doctor's house in order to kill the monster.
I don't want to be responsible for inciting a riot!
Back to the "CLASSIFIED's" , I guess!!
uNemPlOyMenT
How much time did you just spend trying to "read between the lines" on this title to see if there were some sort of subliminal message I was projecting? LOL Honestly, I'm just trying to make unemployment look a little different today than it did yesterday! It's becoming more & more difficult to accomplish.
I spent the weekend at my daughter's place helping her unpack from a recent move. I was overjoyed when she told me I could keep the boxes. I now have plenty of CARDBOARD for the signs (yes, that's plural)I'm gonna be needing to make. I want to make several of them....you know, just incase I get caught out in the rain. Cardboard doesn't hold up well, once it gets wet.
I can't decide exactly how I want to word my signs. I don't want mine to look just like everyone else's, you understand, and I don't really want to say "Will work for Food"....that one is SO over-used! No, I think I want my sign to read "Will work for cellphone/aircard bill" Then, I think I should make one that reads "Will Work for Car Payment"
Well, you get the idea. I'm thinking, if I make a sign for each of my monthly bills, I can pick me out a good, busy, intersection... a week or so before that particular bill is due... and most likely collect enough to pay it on time. If this works out, I may not need a job AT ALL!! I've heard of people who have actually made a career out of this particular method & been quite successful at it.
I'm still undecided on whether or not I should make my signs look slightly dirty & tattered. Will that elicit more sympathy than a shiny, pristine one? Then, of course, there's the 'panhandler' wardrobe to consider. I don't want to look like I just stepped off the cover of Vogue magazine....but I don't want to be so dirty & unkempt that people are afraid to approach for fear of becoming contaminated in some way. I'm gonna have to try to shoot for a "victim of a catastrophe" look. (HEY! losing my job IS/WAS a catastrophe!) I should probably wear sweats & go bra-less. (well, you know....donated clothing is generally the "one size fits all" type & people forget to donate underwear!) HEY, AND THAT CAMO JACKET I MENTIONED IN AN EARLIER BLOG WOULD LOOK GREAT & REALLY 'COMPLETE' THE LOOK!! I doubt there's anyone in this area that would be able to resist a comrade in camo!
Once I've made all my signs & got the wardrobe squared away, I'll need to give some thought to what sort of collection container I should carry. I don't think it would look right if I'm out there on the corner with a credit card reading machine. People might get suspicious about my actual NEED for money. I can't use a boot....the firemen already have dibs on that. I could use one of my hats, but none of them are large enough to hold the amount of money I will want to collect before calling it a day.
I can't just use a shoebox....you know, in case it rains....but Tupperware "burps", and some people would probably be offended! (Geez!! We live in such a TOUCHY society these days!!) I thought about using an empty ice cream bucket....they've even got handles, and I've got several of those, but have to make sure none of them have a recognizable brand-name on them. Wouldn't want to have to split my 'take' with Yarnell's or BlueBunny!!
I'd like to be able to take my dog with me, but people would probably figure that if I'm so hard up for money, why the hell do I own a dog?? Most of them wouldn't hang long enough (how long IS a red light, anyway??)to hear my explanation about GETTING the dog back when I still had a job
And besides, she loves chasing cars, and I just couldn't be dealing with THAT. It's not like I could chase HER down...I'm bra-less, remember!! You don't run when you're bra-less! (you ladies know what I'm sayin'!)Besides, the dang SPCA or PETA people would show up & charge me with animal endangerment or some crap.
In spite of all the hype...this really ISN'T a "free" country anymore!
I spent the weekend at my daughter's place helping her unpack from a recent move. I was overjoyed when she told me I could keep the boxes. I now have plenty of CARDBOARD for the signs (yes, that's plural)I'm gonna be needing to make. I want to make several of them....you know, just incase I get caught out in the rain. Cardboard doesn't hold up well, once it gets wet.
I can't decide exactly how I want to word my signs. I don't want mine to look just like everyone else's, you understand, and I don't really want to say "Will work for Food"....that one is SO over-used! No, I think I want my sign to read "Will work for cellphone/aircard bill" Then, I think I should make one that reads "Will Work for Car Payment"
Well, you get the idea. I'm thinking, if I make a sign for each of my monthly bills, I can pick me out a good, busy, intersection... a week or so before that particular bill is due... and most likely collect enough to pay it on time. If this works out, I may not need a job AT ALL!! I've heard of people who have actually made a career out of this particular method & been quite successful at it.
I'm still undecided on whether or not I should make my signs look slightly dirty & tattered. Will that elicit more sympathy than a shiny, pristine one? Then, of course, there's the 'panhandler' wardrobe to consider. I don't want to look like I just stepped off the cover of Vogue magazine....but I don't want to be so dirty & unkempt that people are afraid to approach for fear of becoming contaminated in some way. I'm gonna have to try to shoot for a "victim of a catastrophe" look. (HEY! losing my job IS/WAS a catastrophe!) I should probably wear sweats & go bra-less. (well, you know....donated clothing is generally the "one size fits all" type & people forget to donate underwear!) HEY, AND THAT CAMO JACKET I MENTIONED IN AN EARLIER BLOG WOULD LOOK GREAT & REALLY 'COMPLETE' THE LOOK!! I doubt there's anyone in this area that would be able to resist a comrade in camo!
Once I've made all my signs & got the wardrobe squared away, I'll need to give some thought to what sort of collection container I should carry. I don't think it would look right if I'm out there on the corner with a credit card reading machine. People might get suspicious about my actual NEED for money. I can't use a boot....the firemen already have dibs on that. I could use one of my hats, but none of them are large enough to hold the amount of money I will want to collect before calling it a day.
I can't just use a shoebox....you know, in case it rains....but Tupperware "burps", and some people would probably be offended! (Geez!! We live in such a TOUCHY society these days!!) I thought about using an empty ice cream bucket....they've even got handles, and I've got several of those, but have to make sure none of them have a recognizable brand-name on them. Wouldn't want to have to split my 'take' with Yarnell's or BlueBunny!!
I'd like to be able to take my dog with me, but people would probably figure that if I'm so hard up for money, why the hell do I own a dog?? Most of them wouldn't hang long enough (how long IS a red light, anyway??)to hear my explanation about GETTING the dog back when I still had a job
And besides, she loves chasing cars, and I just couldn't be dealing with THAT. It's not like I could chase HER down...I'm bra-less, remember!! You don't run when you're bra-less! (you ladies know what I'm sayin'!)Besides, the dang SPCA or PETA people would show up & charge me with animal endangerment or some crap.
In spite of all the hype...this really ISN'T a "free" country anymore!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Cock-a-Doodle-DON'T!!
As a wee chick, Buddy was so-o-o-o cute & cuddly. He was the same size as all the other chicks. There was nothing to indicate that he would be "poultry-ly challenged"!
He came to be named Buddy when he was about 4 wks old. Mainly because he would come to me everytime I visited the coop. He & I would sit & chat. He'd look at me with one eye; I'd look at him with two. He seemed to really enjoy my visits. Whenever I let the chickens out of the coop, Buddy will follow me, as if he wants to be near.
Well, within the past few days, it has become apparent that Buddy likes ONLY me. He has attacked my Honey, AND my Honey's grandson! Poor Buddy...he was not expecting that firm, swift, kick in the butt from Honey! He looked rather dazed & somewhat startled for a few minutes. He puffed out all his feathers & shook himself quite vigorously, but he did NOT re-attack.
After Honey left the barn, I privately related to Buddy the stories Honey has told me of former roosters who ended up in the dumplin' pot for the same offense. He looked a little disturbed when he heard that, but immediately tried to get a chip on his shoulder about it...(Ha! 'chip' wouldn't stay on....roosters don't HAVE shoulders, you know!)
Buddy is not sure now if I'm telling him the truth, or just trying to scare him. He muttered a few things under his breath as I was leaving. I'm not sure what he said, but now he's got me wondering.....DO CHICKENS CUSS?!
BIC vs GILLETTE vs BUSH HOG
It occured to me today that I cannot remember when I last shaved my legs! (well, yeah, it shows, but HEY!, it's been cold!) I wear knee socks, longjohns, and jeans all winter long....why shave?? Bet there's a LOT of other women out there who don't shave all winter, either!
Unlike some women, I'm very fortunate in that I am a natural blonde with baby-fine hair, so you really can't tell I've got Sasquash-hairy legs unless you get between me & the light. (I try to make sure that doesn't happen when I'm in this condition!) Kinda like the human version of "molting"...it'll all be off by summer!! But, I realize, in order to get it off, it's gonna take a really good razor. I think Bush Hog needs to consider a new product line, and market a personal groomer for women. It would be a seasonal item, of course...one really doesn't need that much of a "mower" in the summer, but after these long cold winters....a regular razor sometimes just isn't up to task. The product line could diversify...a groomer made specific to your locale. You KNOW those women up north probably put on a thicker coat of hair than us Southern women, what with their extremely colder temperatures! I think I'll close this post for now and write that letter to Bush Hog's marketing dept. So, if someday, you see that new product on your local Walmart shelves, you'll know who to thank!
Unlike some women, I'm very fortunate in that I am a natural blonde with baby-fine hair, so you really can't tell I've got Sasquash-hairy legs unless you get between me & the light. (I try to make sure that doesn't happen when I'm in this condition!) Kinda like the human version of "molting"...it'll all be off by summer!! But, I realize, in order to get it off, it's gonna take a really good razor. I think Bush Hog needs to consider a new product line, and market a personal groomer for women. It would be a seasonal item, of course...one really doesn't need that much of a "mower" in the summer, but after these long cold winters....a regular razor sometimes just isn't up to task. The product line could diversify...a groomer made specific to your locale. You KNOW those women up north probably put on a thicker coat of hair than us Southern women, what with their extremely colder temperatures! I think I'll close this post for now and write that letter to Bush Hog's marketing dept. So, if someday, you see that new product on your local Walmart shelves, you'll know who to thank!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Well, Shave my legs and call me "Smoothie"!!
I swear....you really ARE never too old to learn!! If you've read my previous posts concerning my chicken eggs, this will all make sense to you. (If not, it might behoove you to do so, just so you don't get left behind)
I just spoke with a former chicken farmer, who informs me that a chicken will NOT set the eggs in the nest until she gets as many as she wants under her. He also informed me that fertile or not, an embryo will not form until the egg is brought to the correct temperature. (so my refrigeration of those previously laid eggs, was not necessary for the purpose of thwarting embryo developement!)
"So..." I says to him, "you mean one or more of my poor girls was trying to produce a 'clutch' of eggs, in anticipation of a large family??" And, here I've been methodically REMOVING the eggs from her nest! How frustrating that must be for the new mama-wannabee!! (He snickered and made some remark about 'city girls'.) Then he says, "Wha'd'ya think? That a chicken just sat down & laid a dozen eggs at a time?!" (well...YEAH?!)
He proceeded to educate me on eggs & such. He says that a chicken will "set" eggs other than her own: duck eggs, guinnea eggs, turkey eggs, ostrich eggs (now THAT would be difficult!) He told me that a chicken will set & hatch a duck egg, and care for the duckling just like one of her own. He sd the same goes for a DUCK setting & hatching a chicken egg.
Oh, I'm sure that, in the beginning, things would progress just fine...till mama duck tried to teach that chick to SWIM!!!
I just spoke with a former chicken farmer, who informs me that a chicken will NOT set the eggs in the nest until she gets as many as she wants under her. He also informed me that fertile or not, an embryo will not form until the egg is brought to the correct temperature. (so my refrigeration of those previously laid eggs, was not necessary for the purpose of thwarting embryo developement!)
"So..." I says to him, "you mean one or more of my poor girls was trying to produce a 'clutch' of eggs, in anticipation of a large family??" And, here I've been methodically REMOVING the eggs from her nest! How frustrating that must be for the new mama-wannabee!! (He snickered and made some remark about 'city girls'.) Then he says, "Wha'd'ya think? That a chicken just sat down & laid a dozen eggs at a time?!" (well...YEAH?!)
He proceeded to educate me on eggs & such. He says that a chicken will "set" eggs other than her own: duck eggs, guinnea eggs, turkey eggs, ostrich eggs (now THAT would be difficult!) He told me that a chicken will set & hatch a duck egg, and care for the duckling just like one of her own. He sd the same goes for a DUCK setting & hatching a chicken egg.
Oh, I'm sure that, in the beginning, things would progress just fine...till mama duck tried to teach that chick to SWIM!!!
Now that you mention it.....
Ya know, after yesterday's post concerning HORSES, as a means of transportation, I just sorta let my mind drift along on it's own meandering path (I guess when I'm a little older, they'll call that dementia!) and I thought of all those westerns I've watched on TV over the years. Never, Ever, in not nary a one of them, did they EVER show horse dung (road apples) ANYWHERE. Now you & I know dang well, that when EVERYONE rode a horse, there HAD to be horse dung all over the place! Guess that would've been a little too much realism for TV (Ha!! talk about your 'reality' shows!) BUT....now that I've broached the subject....just think about it! WHO TOOK CARE OF REMOVING IT?? Did the town pay some guy to shovel it up into his wagon & cart it to the edge of town?? And how far would he have to haul it to make the townspeople happy? What would a job like that have paid back then?? And what would you call that person? 'Dung Deputy' ?? Gosh, and then when he did get to the "dumping area", he had to shovel it all OUT of the wagon. (the tilt bed had not yet been invented) Can you imagine the flies?? Geez!! (I would certainly hope he didn't use that wagon for anything else!!) Something tells me this guy probably didn't have many friends...and he certainly would NOT have had a wife! I would imagine NO ONE would be able to get close to the guy for the stench. Poor fella!
Well, since my mind continues moving in this bizarre direction....wonder what facilities were available for the PEOPLE in town? I'm sure every homestead probably had their own outhouse....but what about in town?? Did the Hotel have an outhouse, or just chamberpots under the beds?? Geez!! Here we are again...WHO'S GONNA EMPTY THE CHAMBER POTS?? The Dung Deputy?? How 'bout the general store?? The shopkeeper & his family generally lived above the store. They had private quarters, so it's not like you could just ask 'can I use your bathroom'?? (Hell, I think "bathrooms" came into existence many years later) And what about the SALOON??? If any of you are beer drinkers...you KNOW how many trips to the potty you make in just one night of revelry. And if we are to believe the movies....the Saloon was always full of patrons....all drinking. Where did they "GO"?? Most, I'm guessing, simply relieved themselves outside the back door. (Is this why town councils were created?? SOMETHING had to be done to deal with the odorous conditions!) I can just see it now....the first town council meeting to discuss the cesspool at the back of the "Dead Dog Saloon". The council members were evenly split on the issue & tempers were rising. Some thought things should just remain the way they had 'always been', and others considered it with an idealistic, and futuristic point of view. If the town was EVER to become a thriving metropolis, this matter had to be dealt with once and for all! Why, rumor had it that the railroad was surveying for a new line of track! Didn't they want the new railroad & the business it would bring??
Oh, but I'm forgetting myself & going off on a tangent. Just proves, though, that anytime you start getting political, SHIT STILL STINKS!!
Well, since my mind continues moving in this bizarre direction....wonder what facilities were available for the PEOPLE in town? I'm sure every homestead probably had their own outhouse....but what about in town?? Did the Hotel have an outhouse, or just chamberpots under the beds?? Geez!! Here we are again...WHO'S GONNA EMPTY THE CHAMBER POTS?? The Dung Deputy?? How 'bout the general store?? The shopkeeper & his family generally lived above the store. They had private quarters, so it's not like you could just ask 'can I use your bathroom'?? (Hell, I think "bathrooms" came into existence many years later) And what about the SALOON??? If any of you are beer drinkers...you KNOW how many trips to the potty you make in just one night of revelry. And if we are to believe the movies....the Saloon was always full of patrons....all drinking. Where did they "GO"?? Most, I'm guessing, simply relieved themselves outside the back door. (Is this why town councils were created?? SOMETHING had to be done to deal with the odorous conditions!) I can just see it now....the first town council meeting to discuss the cesspool at the back of the "Dead Dog Saloon". The council members were evenly split on the issue & tempers were rising. Some thought things should just remain the way they had 'always been', and others considered it with an idealistic, and futuristic point of view. If the town was EVER to become a thriving metropolis, this matter had to be dealt with once and for all! Why, rumor had it that the railroad was surveying for a new line of track! Didn't they want the new railroad & the business it would bring??
Oh, but I'm forgetting myself & going off on a tangent. Just proves, though, that anytime you start getting political, SHIT STILL STINKS!!
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